#Under cook my boiled eggs

[selvepnea]

I am so good at turning food waste into something soooo good and delicious

[marsuni]

actively learning how real tumblr’s vernacular is and how out of pocket it is to those unfamiliar when you say it out loud

[kateschi]

chef's kiss is not enough

synopsis: a simple night out for good food changes when you meet the chef behind a dish that leaves you speechless.

pairing: chef!bakugou katsuki x f!reader

the restaurant is cozy, the kind of place that doesn’t draw much attention from the outside but feels like a hidden treasure once you step inside.

soft lighting casts a warm glow over the wooden tables, and the low murmur of conversation mixes with the occasional clinking of plates.

you’re here with friends, seated at a corner table, menus spread out in front of you.

it’s the kind of night where you’re just looking forward to good food and laughter.

the waiter approaches, balancing several plates on his tray, and sets a bowl down in front of you. you thank him absentmindedly, but the moment your eyes land on your dish, you can’t help but pause.

it’s beautiful in its simplicity—steaming ramen served in a deep bowl, the broth shimmering under the restaurant’s soft light.

thin slices of pork rest delicately on the surface, alongside a soft-boiled egg, its yolk a vibrant golden color. green onions and a sheet of nori top it off, each detail deliberate and precise.

when you take the first bite, your eyes widen. the broth is rich and savory, the kind of flavor that seems to envelop your entire mouth.

the noodles are perfectly cooked, springy but not too firm, soaking up just enough of the broth.

each topping complements the next—the pork is tender, the egg creamy, the green onions adding a fresh, sharp contrast.

it’s the kind of dish that doesn’t just taste good; it feels like someone put their heart into it.

“oh my god,” you mutter, setting your chopsticks down for a moment. “this is incredible.”

your friends laugh at your reaction, one of them nudging you with their elbow. “you always get like this when the food’s good.”

“no, but this—this is different,” you insist, leaning closer to the bowl as if it holds some sort of secret. “this isn’t just good; this is like…life-changing.”

the comment earns a round of laughter, but you’re already distracted, glancing around the room for the waiter.

when you catch his eye, you raise a hand. “excuse me, who’s the chef here?”

the waiter looks surprised by the question. “our head chef is bakugou katsuki. would you like me to—”

“yes, please,” you interrupt, a little too quickly. realizing how eager you sound, you backtrack. “I mean, if he’s not too busy.”

the waiter nods and disappears toward the kitchen, leaving your friends to give you a variety of amused and curious looks.

“what?” you say defensively. “it’s not every day you eat something this good.”

a few minutes later, the kitchen door swings open, and the man who walks out is…not what you expected.

you were picturing someone older, maybe with a few gray hairs and a soft smile.

instead, this man—bakugou katsuki, apparently—is tall and broad-shouldered, his chef’s coat fitting snugly over a strong frame.

his spiky blond hair looks slightly damp, like he’s been working hard, and his expression is one of mild irritation.

he looks more like a professional athlete than a chef.

“what?” he says, his voice low and rough, as he strides up to your table. his crimson eyes sweep over the group before landing on you.

and for a moment, bakugou freezes. he didn’t know what to expect when the waiter said someone wanted to meet him—probably some pompous critic or a customer with a laundry list of complaints.

but you’re not what he expected. at all. there’s something about the way you’re looking at him, your eyes wide with a mix of nervousness and awe, that throws him completely off balance.

you’re…really pretty. too pretty, actually.

it’s annoying, how much it catches him off guard. his chest tightens, and he suddenly feels hyperaware of himself—his hands, his posture, the faint dampness of his forehead from the heat of the kitchen.

damn it.

“I, uh,” you start, faltering under his intense gaze. you weren’t expecting him to be so—well, intimidating. “I just wanted to say that the food is amazing. like, really amazing.”

for a moment, he just stares at you, his jaw tightening slightly. then he rubs the back of his neck, glancing away as if trying to compose himself. “thanks,” he mutters, his tone less gruff than before.

the way he looks away almost makes you smile.

he doesn’t seem like the type to take compliments well, and you can’t help but find it endearing. but at the same time, his presence is overwhelming, and you feel heat creeping up your neck.

“well,” he says abruptly, his eyes snapping back to yours. “if that’s it, I’ve got stuff to do.”

“right, of course,” you say quickly, nodding. “thank you again.”

he nods once, almost curtly, before turning and heading back toward the kitchen. you watch him go, your mind racing with thoughts you can’t quite organize.

the rest of the evening goes by in a blur.

you and your friends continue to chat and laugh, but your thoughts keep drifting back to bakugou. his sharp eyes, the way he looked almost flustered when you complimented him.

it’s distracting, and you can’t quite shake it.

as you’re leaving, stepping out into the cool night air, a voice calls out behind you.

“hey.”

you turn to see him standing in the doorway, still in his chef’s coat. he looks like he’s debating whether this is a good idea or not, his expression tight with something between determination and reluctance.

in his hand is a paper bag with the restaurant’s logo. “here,” he says, holding it out to you.

you blink, confused. “I didn’t order takeout.”

“it’s on me,” he says, shoving the bag toward you. his crimson eyes flick to the side, avoiding your gaze.

“oh, but—”

“just take it,” he interrupts, his voice firm but not unkind.

you hesitate for a moment before taking the bag. your fingers brush against his, and the brief contact sends a strange warmth through your chest. “thank you,” you murmur.

he nods, and for a moment, it looks like he might say something else. but then he just steps back inside, the door closing behind him.

when you get home, you open the bag to find a perfectly packaged serving of the ramen you raved about earlier. sitting on top is a small note, written in slightly messy handwriting:

xxx-xxx-xxxx the name’s katsuki. text me.

a smile creeps onto your face, and you find yourself thinking that maybe, just maybe, you will.

kofi — navigation — masterlist

do not copy, translate, or plagarize

[lvnleah]

blissful chaos | leah williamson.

Morning Routines (Leah Williamson)

Leah groaned as the sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains, the warmth of the duvet suddenly feeling too enticing to leave. Next to her, you were already awake, scrolling through your phone, one hand cradling a steaming mug of coffee.

“Morning, love,” you said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. Leah hummed, her voice still rough from sleep.

“Morning,” she mumbled, reaching for the tea in your hand.

You raised an eyebrow, pulling the mug just out of her reach. “Get your own.”

Leah pouted. “Sharing is caring.”

“You said that yesterday, and I didn’t get any tea back.”

Leah grinned sheepishly, sitting up. Her messy blonde hair was sticking up in all directions, and you couldn’t help but laugh. She stretched dramatically, her arms brushing against you before she flopped back onto the pillows.

“I’ll make it up to you,” she said.

“Oh, you will?” you teased, knowing full well that Leah’s version of ‘making it up’ often involved sneaking another sip of your tea when you weren’t looking.

She rolled out of bed with a groan, shuffling toward the kitchen. “You want some eggs?” she called over her shoulder.

“Only if you don’t burn them like last time!”

Leah laughed, the sound echoing through the flat. “That was one time!”

You followed a few minutes later to find her standing at the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. The radio was on, and a familiar pop tune filled the room.

Leah couldn’t resist. She started to sway to the beat, mumbling the lyrics under her breath. When the chorus hit, she spun around, holding an invisible microphone and belting out the words dramatically.

You leaned against the doorframe, watching her with a grin. She caught your eye and pointed at you as if performing just for you. “Go on, join me!”

“Not a chance,” you laughed, stepping closer. “You’re doing great on your own.”

Leah twirled, completely in her element, her laughter echoing through the flat. As the song transitioned to another upbeat tune, you couldn’t resist any longer.

Slipping your arms around her waist from behind, you pulled her close. Leah startled slightly before relaxing into your embrace, her hands resting over yours. “Interrupting my performance, are we?” she teased, leaning back against you.

“Just trying to steal the spotlight,” you whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck.

She hummed in contentment, her swaying now softer as the two of you moved together in time with the music. “You’re lucky I love you,” she murmured.

“And you’re lucky I love you, even with your questionable singing,” you teased, earning a playful elbow to your side.

“Oi! I’m brilliant!” Leah turned in your arms, grinning up at you. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have eggs to cook.”

“Oh no, not the eggs,” you teased, letting her go as she turned back to the stove.

“Watch and learn, babe,” Leah quipped, but as she started to hum again, you knew mornings with her would always be your favourite kind of chaos.

[kcrossvine-art]

hi friends! This recipe/review was delayed at first from- well it was a different recipe originally, technically bat tempura should be the next item but id like my first tasting experience of bat to be made by someone else who knows what bat should taste like. The recipe after bat tempura is living armor and id intended to use geoduck to mimic the scale. Living armor is interesting with dunmeshi as they used the suit of armor in 3 different ways; grilling, steaming, and souping.

Affording geoduck, a PNW delicacy, is a stretch for one dish, let alone 3. With my write-ups id like to offer a chance that readers will actually be able to make what we talk about. So I opted to use regular clams instead. I feel myself above the fire so we're still sticking with one dish, the dish that doesnt require a grill or a helmet-esque plating arrangement.

Today in our delicious dungeon, we're going to be making Living Armor Soup!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes into Living Armor Soup?” YOU MIGHT ASKThe ingredients used in the show didnt give much to work on, quoting "medicinal herb" and "special sauce".

1 lbs Mussels

Shallots

Garlic

Bay leaf

Curry powder

Chicken stock

Cream

Eggs

Its important to use cream as your dairy, the higher fat content gives you leeway with boiling and acidity to avoid curdling. Any cream should do. Still bring it to temp gently but rest assured in the moo moos protection. 

AND, “what does Living Armor Soup taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

A smoother, buttery-er cream of chicken soup

The mussel meat itself feels like a simplified version of chicken hearts- structurally and in taste

Its not bad. You could hard sell it to a picky eater 

Green onions would bring crispier top-notes much needed

And maybe building a roux base for the soup would fill out the low end?

I dont know what drinks would pair well with this. My heart wants to say red wine but im not a grape fan and cant get more specific than that

I think the hassle of procuring seafood is why when i ask my friends their opinions, the responses are middling to negative. You cant build a palate for it if you dont eat it enough. If i'd had fish stock i wouldve used that rather than chicken, while it doesnt turn the soup disgusting or make itself known much at all, awareness of its presence draws unfavorable comparisons to food I'd rather be eating. And eating for cheaper too (...besides the chicken hearts).

. Some mussels out of a bunch will inevitably be DOA, you wont be eating exactly a pound of them. This and waterweight are the nature of seafood. . Lay easy on the salt until the end before serving . If you have enough mussel stock left after straining, you might not need additional stock

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From deciding to cook to sitting and eating, the process took about an hour and a half. Not bad but not great, considering this dinner left me feeling full for all of about an hour after.

And the mussels were mostly usable/alive too! I discarded maybe 3 of the whole pound! Sure seafood can be light eating- youd think the dairy and vegetables would hulk it up more. The science of what makes food filling isnt entirely understood, as is most nutrition and gastro science, so i dont know what to blame. Stunning that 1lbs of mussels was not enough to keep a 110lbs person full for an hour.

If i were to make this again, i would serve it with fresh dinner rolls (or another carb). Breads and seafood are joined at the hip in my mind. You want more delicate tastes from your fish? I got just the thing. An entire family of food with varying flavors and textures that just so happen to all work pretty well with the third thing people eat often with seafood; butter.

I give this recipe a solid 4/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) It needs workshopping beyond being recognizable to the show.

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 lbs mussels, cleaned and de-bearded

Butter

3 shallots, finely diced

3 garlic cloves, crushed

2 bay leaf

Curry powder to taste

120g chicken stock

100g heavy cream

2 eggs

Method:

Wash your mussels. Remove any beards and barnacles. Discard any mussels with open shells.

Finely dice your shallots and garlic.

In a saucepan, brown your shallots and garlic in some butter over medium-low heat. Once softened add your stock, bay leaves, and curry powder to the saucepan. Increase the heat to medium.

Add your cleaned mussles to the saucepan, the liquid should cover them but if not add more stock. Bring to a boil, and then cover and reduce to a simmer.

Keep simmering until most/all of the mussel shells open. Discard any that still havent after about 6 minutes of simmering. Set aside the remaining mussels.

Pass the liquid in your saucepan through a strainer and return the liquid into the saucepan.

In a seperate bowl, combine the eggs and cream together. Carefully stir the egg/cream mixture into the saucepan until incorporated.

Remove the meat from the mussels, either discard or save some shells for garnishing.

Place the mussel meat on the bottom of serving bowls and pour the hot broth overtop, add your garnish (if any) and enjoy!

[writingoddess1125]

You get high with them- 🍃 🚬

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Luffy

You of course bought some edibles the last time you were on land. Now chilling jn bed you ate some and Luffy came in- Assuming the gummies were just normal candies he partook in some before you could give the warning.

He ate a easy 400mg and now is laying next to you as high as a kite. His gum gum abilities also being messed with by the edibles as he is quite literally dropping over the sides of the bed.

"My face feels heavy and fuzzy" He hums, blinking at you slowly.

You smile at him and giggled at his reactions.

"You're absolutely fucked up-"

He nods at this and just giggles as he lays there. Clearly a giggly high.

Sanji

You offer Sanji a bit from your joint while sitting in the kitchens. He accepts figuring it won't be that bad-

Sanji and you will talk with you for a while as you two shared the joint. When it hits him however- it hits him hard.

"This feels weird" He smirks at this and passes the joint back to you with a smirk. The man shows a whole new side of himself- were where he is just so chill and open! Super cool too.

"Yeah I do see Chef Zeff as my father. I'll never let him know since that would boost the old man's ego way to much- But I love the old guy"

Will come up with amazing cooking ideas and actually prepare them, often having music playing as he does so.

"(Y/N) I just got an amazing idea- what if I cake the creamy cheese sauce from the pasta and add it to ramen instead and top it with spicy seafood, a soft boiled egg and green onions. A cheesy spicy ramen"

Zoro

When you first offer to zoro he absolutely refuses- It isn't until a few weeks later when he sees you at it again does he agree. You make him a small joint to start out with and the two of you sit on the main deck under the stars and pass it back and forth.

He will start to get a bit chattier. Talking to you a bit more about random things- He smiles and giggles a bit more.

"This is a new experience for me- I usually don't want to dull my senses"

You take another kit and cough a bit, Waving the smoke.

"But you drink a fuck ton" You pass him back the joint and he nods.

"Touché"

Eventually however he gets sleepy, immediately turning into the sleepy high. Just laying on the deck half asleep and joining in humming a song with you.

Usopp

Truth be told- Usopp is the most open to the experience. He lies saying he does it before despite being fairly clean. However is interested in the opportunity!

Will be the one wanting to try a pipe- Which you will happily provide and the two of you will sit in the bottom haul of the ship and pass the pipe back and forth-

Usopp will actually start to yet honest with you- really really honest. It turning almost into a therapy session between the two of you.

"Man I really miss my Mum... she was just an amazing person and it makes me upset to think she only heard about how her son was a lying mess up instead lf someone great"

He admits, sadly looking at the pipe before taking another rip of the pipe.

"I'm sure she's proud of the man you are Usopp. You are a good guy and an amazing pirate" You praise, patting his shoulder.

He nods at this and smiles. Defiently a honest high Ironically.

Nami

Nami is no beginner- In her time away from Arlong she used to smoke to feel a bit of stress relief. So when you offer she comes prepared with her favorite bong.

Sitting together the two of you will talk for hours while taking massive hits of the bong. Eating snacks stolen from the kitchen as you play records.

"So- You think that Buggy can take off his dick?" You question watching Nami take another massive rip from the bong, holding it in for a good second as she nodded and releases the cloud of smoke.

"Abso-fucking-lutely he can. He said he would take every thing apart and I saw how small he had himself flying- There is no way he hasn't sent his cock through the air"

"Wait- so if every part... do you think Luffy can stretch his?"

You both burst out in hysterical laughter and continue to talk mindlessly. Nami is Defiently the social butterfly of highs, just laying out the best of conversations.

Buggy

You get caught by Buggy smoking at first- however he is fine with it and interested in what you could possibly be doing.

Buggy is more then willing to smoke with you, thinking this will be a fun experience for you all. It's an experience all right-

Let's say in stupid thoughts you guys get hotboxed in his bedroom. Buggy has his hair down and will be talking about random philosophy and sounding intelligent unlike his normal Goofy self.

"You know, I've always wondered how the system of devil fruits work?- if one can exist at a time say I die. Does that mean another Chop Chop fruit will appear? Who controls this?.. Does that mean a plant knows when I died?"

You nod at this, also curious of this question.

"You know, I never thought of that... wait wait- so Does that mean a plant is closer to a God then anything else if it knows when you die?"

You two will talk for hours about random questions, before stumbling to get some snacks in the middle of the night.

[rafecamerons-national-anthem]

COOKING CHAOS-VINNIE HACKER

Y/N tightened her ponytail and stared at the mess Vinnie had already made in her kitchen. Flour was scattered across the counter like snow, a whisk was stuck in what she assumed was pancake batter, and a jar of marinara sauce sat dangerously close to the edge of the counter.

Vinnie, wearing an apron that read Kiss the Cook, glanced up at her with a sheepish grin. "Relax, Y/N. I’ve got this under control."

"Under control?" Y/N arched an eyebrow and motioned to the disaster zone surrounding him. "It looks like a food hurricane hit my kitchen."

"Cooking is an art," he said dramatically, brandishing a spatula like a sword. "You have to embrace the chaos."

Y/N folded her arms and leaned against the counter, watching as Vinnie attempted to crack an egg. Instead of smoothly splitting it into the bowl, he crushed it between his fingers, yolk dripping down his hand. He froze and turned to look at her, guilt written all over his face.

"Okay," he admitted, holding up his sticky hand. "Maybe I need a little help."

Y/N laughed, grabbing a towel to clean him up. "A little help? Try a personal chef."

"Come on, don’t give up on me yet," he said, grabbing her wrist as she turned to leave. His grin was boyish, charming enough to make her hesitate. "You’re supposed to be my partner in this."

"Your partner?" she scoffed, gesturing at the counter. "This feels more like sabotage."

"Fine," he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Help me, and I promise the best dinner you’ve ever had. Deal?"

"Deal," Y/N said, rolling her eyes but unable to resist the way his dimples appeared when he smiled.

Together, they tackled the recipe, a simple pasta dish Vinnie insisted he could master. Y/N showed him how to chop onions without slicing his fingers off, though she ended up doing most of the work while he complained about the smell. He stirred the sauce on the stove, accidentally flicking drops onto his apron and her sweatshirt, earning an exasperated groan from Y/N.

When it came time to boil the pasta, Vinnie dumped the noodles into the water all at once, causing the pot to splash and hiss.

"Vinnie!" Y/N yelped, leaping back to avoid the boiling water.

"Whoops," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn’t know it would do that."

"Do you know anything about cooking?" she asked, laughing despite herself.

"I know I’m good at eating it," he shot back, reaching for a wooden spoon to give her a playful tap on the arm.

Eventually, they managed to plate the meal. The pasta was slightly overcooked, the sauce was a little too thick, and Vinnie had forgotten to add salt, but he looked so proud when he set the plates on the table.

"Okay," he said, dramatically wiping his hands on his apron. "Moment of truth. What do you think?"

Y/N took a cautious bite. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t exactly restaurant quality either. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to wipe the triumphant smile off his face.

"It’s...edible," she teased, and his mouth dropped open in mock offense.

"Edible?" he echoed, scoffing. "That’s the thanks I get for pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into this meal?"

"Blood, sweat, and eggshells," she corrected, giggling.

He leaned across the table, narrowing his eyes at her. "You’re lucky I like you, or I’d make you eat the burnt batch I threw out earlier."

"Burnt batch?" Y/N laughed harder, clutching her stomach. "Oh, I need to see that next time."

Vinnie’s expression softened as he watched her laugh, and for a moment, the teasing atmosphere faded. "Yeah," he said quietly, his voice losing its playful edge. "Next time."

Y/N’s laughter faltered as she met his gaze. Something about the way he said it made her heart skip. Before she could respond, he reached across the table, brushing a smudge of flour off her cheek with his thumb.

"You’ve got a little something there," he said, his voice light again, though his touch lingered.

Y/N swallowed hard, her cheeks heating as she batted his hand away. "Shut up and eat your overcooked pasta, Hacker."

He chuckled, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied grin. "Fine. But next time, you’re cooking, and I’m just gonna watch you stress out instead."

"Deal," she said, though a small smile crept across her face. Next time didn’t sound so bad.

[alottiegoingon]

fluffy alphabet

lottie matthews x reader

warnings: suggestive but nothing explicit, bad relationship with parents mentioned, no pronouns used, just fluff overall, not proofread.

there's many versions for this alphabet so i did the one i liked better :)

affection (how affectionate is she?)

a lot! i think lottie wouldn't be too affectionate at first, probably a little shy, but once she feels comfortable she's always touching you. holding your hand, rubbing your knee or arm, fixing your hair as an excuse to play with your hair. would also say "i love you" a thousand times a day.

best friend (what would lottie be like as a best friend?)

i may be canceled over this but i think lottie would find it difficult to make friends and mantain the friendship right away cause she always had a bad relationship/bad example from her parents. but when you become friends, she would be so sweet. she'd help you to study for finals, invite you over to her house, invite you to go shopping with her (aka stealing).

cuddle (how does lottie like to cuddle?)

big spoon or not, she's happy either way. cuddling after a long day could fix all her problems (maybe not all of them but it would help lots!!)

domestic (how is she at cooking/cleaning...?)

since lottie always had maids and housekeepers, she'd SUCK at cooking and cleaning in my opinion. she'd be able to burn a boiled egg! but then she'd love to learn it with you.

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you?)

lottie would be very open to share her feelings. maybe could feel a bit insecure but she trusts you well enough and you'd always comfort and reassure her.

family (does she want one?)

biiig yes! lottie has a fucked up family, let's be honest. so i think she'd be very happy to have a family of her own, much happier, healthier and supportive than the one she was born into. she'd be SUCH a great mom and wife.

gifts (does lottie like spoiling you?)

do i even have to say anything? she'd spend tons of money on you. taking you to the movies, to fancy restaurants, buying you clothes, books and whatever you need. lottie feels really good when spoiling you with gifts, she loves to see you smile and how shy you get.

honesty (does she have any secrets?)

everyone has their own secrets. for lottie, it was her medication. she felt deeply insecure about it, largely because her parents always stressed how ill she was and that something was fundamentally wrong with her. when lottie decided to share it with you, she was so scared that it made your heart break and you had to tell her multiple times about how amazing, sweet and kind she is and how wrong her parents were for saying those things. taking medication doesn’t define her (or anyone else) as flawed or damaged.

injury (how would she react if you got hurt?)

that girl would go feral if you were in allie's place and had broken your leg. if the plane had crash, she'd go crazy looking for you and making sure that you were safe and alive. during her little antler queen phase, she wouldn't let anyone get too close to you and would NEVER let you go hunt.

jealousy (is she jealous?)

lottie does get jealous but not crazy jealous (unless if she's on shrooms...). if someone was hitting on you, lottie would have her hands all over you, on your waist, hair or hands, telling the person that you have a girlfriend. if they insisted, then she'd probably be pissed and scare them off.

kiss (how does she kiss you? how does she like to be kissed?)

most of the time, she'd be a soft kisser, very gentle. unless you decided to get things a lil more intense, she prefers to kiss/get kissed in those cute slow and passionate kisses from movies. doesn't mean she doesn't like it rough tho...

love (who said ‘I love you’ first?)

that's debatable. either was you or she said it accidentally and blushed at the moment you mentioned it.

memory (what’s her favorite memory of you together?)

something really corny but adorable like spending time together under a tree just talking and kissing or the moment you first had sex/said i love you to each other. or something like meeting your parents or meeting you for the first time.

night (how are nights spent with her?)

cuddles, movies and late night talks. but before she'd help you make dinner if you lived together (she would just watch, "disturb" you by getting all touchy when you're cooking, and bossing you around).

open (when would she start revealing things about herself?)

she would not bring the meds thing up until she fully trusted you. if talking about her bad relationship with her parents, i don't think she tries to hide it since she mentioned how her dad showed affection in a poor way by getting the girls a private plane to get them to the nationals.

pet names (what pet names does she use?)

baby, angel, love, sweetheart, gorgeous, pretty girl/boy if you don't use gender neutral pronouns. she's the cutest.

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)

anything. literally anything as long as you're with her. cooking together, reading together, shopping together!!!, just chatting and cuddling.

remember (does she remember things about you?)

lottie would remember everything you'd say to her. siblings/cousins names, first pet, first crush, favorite food, how old you were when you did something important or silly. she loves you and likes to show you how much she cares.

security (how protective is she? how would she like to be protected?)

very protective. if you were in the plane, she would've hugged you while crashing :(( if she was the antler queen, she'd constant watch you and make sure you were feeling great at all times. lottie doesn't say it out loud but she loves and needs the feeling of protection. she loves when you stand up for her, take care of her and hug her tight to protect her. (my poor girl she just have some mommy issues leave her alone >:()

try (how much effort would she puts into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

again, she loves and cares a lot. would plan the cutest dates and anniversaries and gift you with things she knows you'd love. in everyday tasks, she'd do anything to please you, including cleaning so you wouldn't have to do it after a long day at work.

understanding (how well does she know you? is she empathetic?)

this should be common sense at this point but lottie is SO empathetic. to you and to anyone else. she takes care of you and everyone, make sure everyone is safe. even during her time in switzerland (malcolm matthews im in your walls) she comforted that woman during a crisis. she's an angel.

value (how important is the relationship to her?)

you and your relationship with her means everything. she values and cherishes it so so so much.

wedding (how does she propose?)

if you were shy/reserved, lottie would know better than to propose to you in public. even if you weren't, i feel like she'd love to propose away from people's eyes. just the two of you. she had an entire speech prepared full of pretty words but was sobbing so hard that you had to help her through it. (truly believe she would like to get married surrounded by nature).

x-ray (is she able to read you?)

she knows you so well. she knows if you're happy, sad, uncomfortable, angry, upset. she can red you sooo easily and always knows what to say or what to do.

yearning (how well does she copes when separated from you)

she'd turn into a sad/annoyed mess. definitely has separation anxiety. adult lottie would handle it much better though, but would miss you endlessly.

zen (what makes her feel calm)

cuddles, hearing your voice talking about random things to distract her or help her with anxiety, calm songs, tea, romantic and cute moments, hearing about your day and telling you about hers.

[ninakoll]

FINALLY they are all ready... more enstars dreams you have sent me...!!! 🌟 6 of them...! i put them under a readmore 👍

@nazunayuri THIS DREAM IS SO CUTE:DD i love the lily pad detail. i hope rei at least won the lego building contest... welcome to sweden we have legotävling och de excentriska fem

@thefourofclubsinactive leave it to himeru to want to eat a bowl of half boiled eggs askldhaskldashklahklfhklfsdf

anon i can't imagine what your other enstars dreams could be like if youre becoming unhinged aira in them

@crunchy-criss-1 I HAD TO DRAW IT ANYWAY bc of the horrors. although you were kind of cooking with the duck pattern and color combos ngl

THANK YOU ANON you are so kind.. and your husband sounds like an angel i hope he likes hag juice. i love the thought of ibara turning hag juice into some kind of profit machine

@damioko WAAA thank you ;__; this is such a cute dream... stageplay madara looks so sweet too i like the detail of it being HIM you ran into :DDD sorry for drawing you bald like an anime base...

thank you all for sending me these they're so funny, sorry it took me like 2 months to draw them all !!! i am slowly going thru my inbox but i respond as if i was a victorian dandy only having time to write letters while riding my little four-wheeled panel-boot victoria from place to place!!

[estellan0vella]

Absolutely Fucking Perfectly Imperfect: L.F Lee Felix x fem!reader (College AU)

WC: 10.9K

CW: Guns, robbery, Felix uses the word cunt, inappropriate reactions in the face of danger

General Masterlist SKZ Masterlist Part I

The room is steeped in the low thrum of Felix's game. A constant, chaotic melody of clacks, pings, and loud swearing. His three monitors shift between shades of brilliant neon, painting the walls with flickers of pink, green, and blue. Felix is leaning forward in his chair, elbows braced on his desk, the hood of his oversized sweatshirt falling halfway off his head. His messy blonde hair sticks out at odd angles and his jaw tightens as he glares at the screen.

"You absolute blind fuckwit," he growls into his headset, his Australian accent sharp with irritation. "I pinged the gank five fucking times! What do you cunts even do when you play? Draw fucking pictures?"

The venom in his words makes you snort softly, but you quickly press a hand over your mouth to stifle the sound. You're sprawled across his bed, one leg hooked under you while the other bounces idly in time with the lo-fi beats playing softly from your phone. Your paramedic science textbook is open in front of you, drowning in sticky notes and highlights, and yet you've barely absorbed a single sentence in the past fifteen minutes.

Felix slams his mouse against the pad, his free hand running through his hair as he mutters to himself. "Goddamn trolls. How the fuck am I still stuck with people like this?"

You bite your lip, trying desperately to keep your focus on the diagram in your book. But when Felix groans, loud, dramatic, and utterly exasperated, it's impossible to hold back the laugh bubbling in your chest.

"You're not fucking slick, sweetheart," Felix says, his voice cutting through the space without warning. He doesn't even glance your way, still hammering keys with laser-sharp precision. "I can hear you giggling."

You glance up from your textbook, feigning innocence. "Me? Laughing? At you losing? Never."

"Bullshit," he shoots back, finally pulling one ear of his headset off and swivelling in his chair to look at you. The glow from his monitors casts soft shadows across his freckled face, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw and the mischievous tilt of his grin. "You live for my fuck-ups. Admit it."

You raise an eyebrow, sitting up straighter. "I live for many things, Felix, but your decade-long inability to climb out of bronze isn't one of them."

Felix's eyes narrow, his grin widening. "Oh, you're fucking bold tonight, aren't you?" He spins back to his screen as another ping echoes from the game. "Just remember, sweetheart, payback's a fucking bitch."

You snicker, flipping a page in your book with deliberate slowness. "I'm not worried. You're too busy getting carried by your teammates to ever come up with anything clever."

"That's rich," he fires back immediately. "Coming from someone who cried over her med math assignment last week."

Your mouth drops open in mock offence, a highlighter frozen mid-air. "I did not cry. I had a moment of academic distress."

Felix laughs at that, the sound loud and warm, cutting through the tense clicks of his keyboard. "Right, sure. You were so distressed you fucking threw your pen across the room and yelled, 'Fuck it, I'll just die.' Real professional of you, future paramedic."

You chuck a pillow at him without thinking, laughing when it bounces harmlessly off his back. "Eat shit, Lix."

"Gladly," he shoots back, not missing a beat. "But only if you're cooking."

"Oh, fuck off," you retort, biting back a grin. "I wouldn't trust you to boil an egg without setting the kitchen on fire."

"I'm insulted," Felix says, slouching back in his chair as the death screen flashes across his monitors. He peeks at you over his shoulder, an exaggerated pout on his face. "You've eaten my fucking food, Y/N. Tell me it's not amazing. Go on."

"It's okay," you say, shrugging nonchalantly as you highlight another passage in your textbook. "Like, solid six out of ten. Very edible."

Felix gasps, spinning his chair around to fully face you, his hands flying to his chest in mock betrayal. "Six out of fucking ten? Are you kidding me? You fucking licked the plate last time I made pasta!"

"You're delusional," you say, fighting a laugh as you flip another page. "Maybe I was just really hungry."

Felix leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his grin sharp and unrelenting. "You talk so much shit for someone who can't even scramble eggs without making them look like roadkill."

Your jaw drops again, this time with genuine indignation. "Okay, fuck you, those eggs were fine. Rustic, even."

"Rustic?" Felix repeats, his laughter spilling out before he can stop it. "They were burnt. I had to scrape them off the pan with a fucking chisel."

"Fuck off," you mutter, but you're smiling, the textbook in front of you momentarily forgotten. "At least I can make coffee without putting half a kilo of sugar in it."

"First of all," Felix says, holding up a finger, "I put exactly the right amount of sugar. Second, that's fucking rich coming from someone who adds four sugars to hers and then drinks it like it's a health tonic."

You open your mouth to argue, but he cuts you off with a smug grin. "Yeah, sweetheart, I fucking count."

You glare at him. "You're the fucking worst."

"You love it," Felix says smoothly, leaning back in his chair and spinning slightly, his grin turning softer as he watches you pick up your highlighter again.

"Debatable," you mutter.

For a moment, the room falls into a comfortable silence, broken only by the faint hum of Felix's PC and the soft rustling of pages as you flip through your textbook. Felix glances over at you occasionally, a small smile tugging at his lips as he watches you scribble notes in the margins.

"You know," he says eventually, his voice quieter now, almost tentative, "you look kinda cute when you're all focused like that."

You glance up, surprised, and find him watching you with an expression that's softer than usual, his teasing grin replaced with something more genuine. The glow from his monitors cast warm shadows across his freckled cheeks, and you feel your heart stutter at the sight.

"Don't be fucking mushy," you mumble, burying your face back in your book.

Felix laughs, soft and low, his chair creaking as he leans back lazily. "Fine. I'll save it for when you're crying over your next quiz."

"Fuck off, Felix."

"You're so fucking cute when you're mad."

You're elbow-deep in your notes, eyes scanning a particularly dense passage about hemorrhagic shock, when Felix lets out a groan loud enough to rattle the walls. His voice is full of pure, unfiltered frustration as he slams a hand onto his desk.

You glance up and it's almost comical how over-the-top his expression is. Head tilted back, eyes shut, like the world has personally wronged him.

"For fuck's sake," he mutters, dragging a hand down his face. The League of Legends screen vanishes from his screen with a decisive click, the rage-quit both swift and inevitable. He swivels his chair slightly, his freckled face twisted in a mix of defeat and irritation.

"Done with your self-imposed torture?" you ask, leaning back against the wall behind Felix's bed.

Stretching your arms overhead, you feel the hem of your black lace-trimmed camisole ride up slightly, and you tug it down absentmindedly. Felix's gaze flickers toward you at the movement, but he quickly turns back to his screen, pulling up another game launcher.

"Fuck League," he huffs, opening Call of Duty with a few sharp clicks. The new interface floods the room with aggressive reds and blacks. "Let's play something where I can actually ruin other people's days."

You smirk, tapping your pen idly against your notebook. "You mean something where you let other people ruin yours?"

"Oi," he snaps, spinning his chair to point an accusatory finger at you, but the grin tugging at the corner of his lips betrays him. "Shut the fuck up. You don't get to talk when you're the one who cried over a fucking dosage calculation last week."

"I didn't cry," you shoot back, glaring at him. "I had a moment. And don't deflect, we're talking about your fragile gamer ego right now, not my future as a paramedic."

"Fragile?" Felix snorts as he throws on his headset, the mic resting against his cheek. "Sweetheart, I'm about to emotionally destroy some poor cunt in a CoD lobby. You're about to see mental fortitude at its finest."

"Oh, this I have to see." You close your textbook with a snap, crawling to the edge of the bed to get a better view. Felix raises an eyebrow at your movement, his grin widening.

"Come here," he says, patting his thigh with one hand while the other adjusts his mouse sensitivity. "Sit in my lap and listen to me eviscerate these dickless pricks."

You roll your eyes, but the grin you try to suppress betrays you. "You're a fucking idiot," you mutter, standing up and crossing the short distance to his chair. "You know that, right?"

"Yup," he says cheerfully, grabbing your waist as you climb into his lap and his arm wraps around you like it belongs there, securing you against him. "But I'm your idiot."

"Unfortunately," you mutter, but you're smiling as you settle into him, your legs dangling off one side of the chair. Felix's fingers fly over the keyboard as he queues into a match, his in-game mic already unmuted.

The game loads, and almost immediately, Felix's shit-talking begins. "Oi, you camping piece of shit!" he shouts gleefully as he sprints across the map, his character firing wildly. "You gonna spend the whole fucking match in that corner, or are you gonna grow a pair and actually play the fucking game?"

You laugh before you can stop yourself, the sound light and genuine. Felix's grip on your waist tightens slightly as he leans back, turning his head just enough to smirk at you. "What's so funny?"

"You're deranged," you say, shaking your head. "It's just a game."

"It's not just a game," he retorts, spinning back to face his screen. His tone is dramatic, dripping with mock sincerity. "It's about principle. I will not let this dipshit out-insult me. Watch and fucking learn."

You nestle closer, resting your chin on his shoulder as the match kicks into full gear. Felix's hands are a blur on the keyboard and mouse, his voice rising above the chaos of explosions and gunfire. "Oi, you fucking rat bastard! How about you aim for once in your goddamn life, you useless cunt?"

The other player doesn't miss a beat, his crackly voice shooting back through Felix's headset. "Says the guy who sounds like he's 12 and still jerks off to hentai."

Felix barks a laugh, sharp and incredulous, his arm tightening around you. "Hentai? Bro, how about you crawl out of your mom's basement and maybe speak to a woman for once, you dickless clown?"

You burst out laughing, burying your face in Felix's shoulder to muffle the sound. His shit-eating grin only grows wider as he continues. "Yeah, you hear that? That's the sound of a woman's laugh, mate. I know you wouldn't recognize it, but that's what it fucking sounds like."

The other player falters, and Felix pounces on the silence like a predator. "What, got nothing to say now? That's what I fucking thought. Bitchless loser."

You're practically crying at this point, clutching at Felix's hoodie as your laughter spills out uncontrollably. "Oh my fucking God," you manage between gasps. "You're insane."

Felix chuckles, clearly pleased with himself. "And you fucking love it."

"I do not," you shoot back, though the warmth in your tone betrays you. "You're a menace."

"Yeah," Felix says, leaning back slightly as his character reloads. "But I'm your menace."

The other player finally speaks again, his voice wavering with frustration. "Whatever, man. You're fucking dogshit at this game."

Felix snorts, aiming down sights and taking the guy out with a single headshot. "Dogshit, huh? That's funny, coming from someone I just fucking clapped, you silly cunt."

You shake your head, still laughing as Felix adjusts his grip on you, his cheek brushing against yours. "You're the worst."

"And yet," he says, his voice dropping to a teasing murmur, "you're still here."

You glance at him, and for a brief moment, the chaos of the game fades into the background. His dark eyes meet yours, full of mischief and something softer, and your heart stumbles over itself.

"Shut the fuck up," you mutter, looking away quickly, but the smile tugging at your lips is impossible to hide.

Felix laughs, low and warm, and you feel the vibrations of it through his chest. "Whatever you say, sweetheart. Now, let me go ruin someone else's day."

A familiar voice cuts through the channel. "Felix, you absolute cockwaffle, why the fuck are you yelling at strangers again? I can hear you down the fucking hallway."

Felix groans audibly, leaning his head back against the chair in a dramatic display of exasperation. "Jisung, what the fuck do you want?"

Jisung's laugh crackles through the headset, bright and unrelenting. "Just wanted to check in on my favourite blond bitch and remind you that you're dogshit at this game. Like, the kind of dogshit covered in flies and left to bake on hot pavement."

Felix's entire body stiffens, his character spinning wildly on the screen as he slams his fingers against the keyboard. "You silver-haired dick, I will walk down the hall and fight you right fucking now."

Jisung doesn't miss a beat. "Do it. You won't, you spineless sack of kangaroo shit."

"I fucking will," Felix growls, his free hand tightening slightly on your waist. The motion makes you glance up at him, amused. "Or better yet, I'll send Y/N to fight you."

"No fucking way," you chime in, leaning your cheek against Felix's shoulder as you observe the escalating chaos. "I already spend too much time patching up Jisung. Why the fuck would I make more work for myself?"

"That's valid," Jisung says immediately. "See? Y/N's on my side."

Felix turns his head slightly, just enough to send you a mock glare. "She's not on shit, mate. She's just smarter than to waste her energy on a little gremlin like you."

"You blond fuck," Jisung snaps, his voice rising in indignation. "You're the gremlin here! I swear to God, if you call me that again-"

"What?" Felix interrupts, his tone full of fake concern. "What are you gonna do, huh? Cry about it? Piss your pants, maybe? Shit and cum? I'll send you a fucking diaper, Jisung. Express delivery to your room."

"Oh, you absolute wanker," Jisung fires back. "When's the last time you even fucking did laundry, Felix? Your room probably smells like a mix of week-old pizza, gamer sweat, and poor life choices."

"Oh, fuck all the way off," Felix snaps, though he's grinning widely. His hand flies to the mouse as he takes another shot on screen. "At least I don't dress like I raided the wardrobe of a discount backup dancer from fucking Step Up."

"Big talk coming from someone whose entire wardrobe is just oversized hoodies and sweatpants," Jisung shoots back with a laugh so loud it nearly crackles in the headset. "If it weren't for Y/N, you'd look like a fucking hermit."

Felix huffs, his fingers smashing against the keyboard as his character goes down again. "Eat my entire fucking ass, Jisung. I swear to God, if you weren't such a liability, I'd uninstall this game just so you'd be forced to suffer alone."

Jisung cackles, his voice full of smug glee. "Do it, you coward. But remember, when I kick your ass, Y/N's not saving you."

"Oh, I'm not saving either of you," you chime in, giggling as Felix mutters something under his breath about teammates being actual horse shit. His hand slides against your waist again, almost as if grounding himself, while he waits to respawn.

Jisung picks up immediately, his tone back to chaotic energy. "See, Felix? Y/N doesn't even like you."

"Shut the fuck up, Jisung. At least I don't break my toe every other month running into fucking doors."

"You blond fucker," Jisung yells back, his indignation almost comical. "You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope," Felix fires back, leaning forward slightly to hammer out a kill in the game. "You're a fucking hazard to yourself and everyone around you. If Darwinism were real, you'd have died out years ago. Society would have culled you for the betterment of the world"

You can't hold back your laughter anymore, leaning into Felix's shoulder as the insults continue to fly. The absurdity of their exchange, Jisung calling Felix "a gutter-dwelling kangaroo-shagger" and Felix responding with "a fucking mosquito with an inferiority complex", leaves your stomach aching from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

By the time Felix wraps up the match, somehow pulling a win out of his ass despite the nonstop shit-talking, you're practically breathless with laughter. He yanks off his headset, tossing it onto the desk with a loud sigh of satisfaction, and leans back in his chair, pulling you back against him.

"See that?" he says, grinning smugly as he glances down at you. "Told you I could emotionally destroy those bitches."

"You're ridiculous," you reply, shaking your head even as you fight to suppress your smile. His hand rests warm and steady against your waist, his hoodie soft against your skin.

"And you fucking love it," Felix counters smoothly, his grin widening as he presses a quick, teasing kiss to your temple.

You roll your eyes but let the moment linger, warmth blooming in your chest as Jisung's voice cuts through again, indignant as ever. "Oi, Felix, you absolute fuckstain. I heard that kiss. Save the mushy shit for later, yeah?"

Felix laughs, his chest vibrating against you as he glances toward the door. "Shut the fuck up, Jisung. You're just jealous."

"Damn right, I'm jealous," Jisung shoots back. "Jealous that you're still dogshit at Call of Duty."

"Eat shit and die," Felix says, laughing as he rests his head against yours. "Fucking gremlin."

The soft hum of Felix's gaming rig dims further as his monitors finally shut off, plunging the room into a calm, muted glow from his LED strips. The clock ticks over to 4:00 AM, the hour dragging its weight into the air.

It's quieter now, the kind of silence that clings to the dead of night, thick and unrelenting. You're still perched in Felix's lap, scrolling idly through social media on your phone while his hand rests warm against your thigh. The stillness is comfortable until your stomach betrays you with a loud, unapologetic growl.

"Fucking hell," Felix mutters, breaking the silence with a groan as he nudges you off his lap. "Your stomach sounds like it's trying to summon a goddamn demon."

You shoot him a flat look as you stand, stretching your arms over your head. The hem of your black lace-trimmed camisole rides up slightly, and you catch Felix's eyes flicking down for half a second before he smirks. "It's called hunger, you dick. You wouldn't know since you've been surviving on Doritos and Monster like a fucking raccoon all night."

"That's a perfectly balanced diet, thank you very much," he retorts, leaning back in his chair and spinning lazily to face you. His hoodie is skewed from hours of sitting, the hem riding up just enough to reveal the faint lines of his abs. 

"I need food," you declare dramatically, hands on your hips like you're about to stage a protest. "Real food. Not this gamer bullshit you keep calling a balanced diet."

Felix snorts, pushing himself to his feet and grabbing his phone from the desk. "Good luck finding 'real food' at four in the fucking morning. What do you think this is, MasterChef?" He stretches his arms overhead, his hoodie lifting enough to give you another fleeting glimpse of his toned stomach. His voice pulls you back before your gaze lingers. "How about instant ramen? The convenience store is open, and ramen's practically fucking gourmet at this hour."

You don't hesitate, already grabbing your shoes. "Say less."

Felix chuckles, grabbing his sneakers from under the desk. He doesn't bother tying them, as always, the frayed laces dragging behind him like an afterthought. As he slips them on, you unlatch his window to test the air outside. A sharp gust of cold rushes in, making you shiver.

"It's fucking freezing," you mutter, pulling your arm back inside. Felix, now rummaging through his wardrobe, glances up with an amused smirk.

"No shit," He tosses a black cardigan at you, the fabric hitting you square in the face. "Here. Can't have my sweetheart freezing her ass off and bitching about it the whole way."

You roll your eyes at the nickname, but you slip the cardigan on without complaint. It's oversized, the sleeves swallowing your hands and the hem brushing the tops of your thighs, and it smells faintly of his cologne, a warm, woodsy scent that lingers comfortingly around you. "Thanks, Lix. I'd say you're a gentleman, but we both know that's a fucking lie."

"Oi," he shoots back, grabbing his keys and holding the door open for you with an exaggerated bow. "You wound me."

The hallway of the Alpha Phi house is eerily quiet, the usual chaos replaced by the occasional creak of the floorboards and the faint hum of the fridge down the hall.

Felix pulls the door shut behind him as you both tiptoe past the other guys' rooms, careful not to wake anyone. When you reach the front door, he holds it open for you as the cold night air hits you like a slap.

The walk to the convenience store is short, but the chill bites at your skin, making you huddle closer to Felix. The streets are deserted, bathed in the soft glow of streetlights, and the only sounds are the shuffle of your footsteps and the occasional rustle of leaves caught in the wind.

Felix's hand finds yours without ceremony, his fingers threading through yours with a warmth that contrasts sharply against the cold. "So," he starts, his voice casual but tinged with that mischievous lilt you know so well, "what's the game plan? Ramen? Energy drinks? Or are we going all out like the unhinged fucks we are and getting both?"

"Both, obviously," you reply, squeezing his hand for emphasis. "And chips. And chocolate. Maybe some of those prepackaged muffins too."

He snickers, pulling you closer as another gust of wind whips past. "You're gonna eat all that, feel like shit, and then somehow blame me."

"First of all," you retort, grinning up at him, "I'll feel fine. Second, I'm buying you snacks too, so maybe don't be such an ass about it."

Felix hums thoughtfully, his lips quirking up at the corner. "Alright, fair. You're forgiven."

"Oh, I'm forgiven?" you say, feigning disbelief. "Thanks so much, your majesty. Truly blessed to have your mercy."

"You're welcome, peasant," he replies smoothly, then, without warning, he spins you in a circle, his grip on your hand firm as he twirls you like a dancer mid-performance.

You let out a startled laugh, stumbling slightly as he catches you with both hands. "What the fuck, Felix?"

"Couldn't resist," he says, his grin wide and unapologetic as he tugs you back beside him. "You looked like you needed a little excitement."

"At four in the morning?" you ask, still laughing. "You're fucking insane."

"And yet," he replies, his tone smug as his hand squeezes yours again, "you're still here."

The two of you continue down the street, Felix twirling you every few steps just to hear you giggle. By the time the neon glow of the convenience store sign comes into view, your cheeks hurt from smiling, and you've threatened to shove him into a bush at least three times.

The fluorescent lights of the convenience store buzz faintly, casting a sterile glow over the shelves stocked with instant noodles, candy, and cheap energy drinks. The air smells faintly of burnt coffee and plastic, a strange but familiar comfort to you and Felix.

 It's the unspoken backdrop of your late-night snack runs, the kind of ritual that feels absurdly sacred at this hour. The automatic doors shut behind you with a quiet whoosh, and you grab one of the red plastic baskets stacked near the door.

"Alright," Felix says, clapping his hands together like a man on a mission. "Let's stock the fuck up, sweetheart. We've got a long night of doing absolutely nothing ahead of us."

You smirk, shoving the basket into his chest. "You're in charge of drinks, chef boy."

Felix salutes you mockingly before strolling to the refrigerators, his sneakers scuffing against the tiles. He doesn't even hesitate before yanking open one of the glass doors and grabbing cans of energy drinks like he's on a game show and every second counts. Red Bull, Monster, Rockstar, the classics, pile into the basket with abandon.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Lix," you mutter as he lugs the basket back toward you, the drinks rattling ominously. "You planning to die of caffeine overdose or what?"

Felix grins, his freckles dancing as he shrugs. "Fuck it. If I die, I die. At least I'll be wide fucking awake when it happens."

You roll your eyes, but your lips twitch in amusement as you grab a handful of chocolate bars and throw them into the basket. Felix matches you tit for tat, grabbing sour gummy worms, chips, and a suspiciously large bag of candy-coated chocolates. By the time you reach the ramen aisle, the basket is teetering on the brink of disaster.

"We're going spicy," Felix declares, grabbing a red-and-black packet of ramen and holding it up like a trophy. "You game?"

"Always," you reply, grabbing your own packet. The two of you quickly stock up on more, just in case the apocalypse hits and ramen is the only thing that will save you, and Felix carefully balances the new additions on top of the precarious pile in the basket.

You're halfway through debating the merits of sea salt chips versus barbecue when the automatic doors behind you whoosh open again. A loud, frantic voice booms through the store, tearing through the quiet like a gunshot.

"Everyone on the fucking floor!"

You whip around, and sure enough, there's a man standing in the doorway, a gun clenched in his shaky hands. He's wearing a black ski mask that's slightly crooked, revealing part of his sweaty face, and his body language screams desperation. The store clerk lets out a strangled yelp before diving behind the counter, leaving you and Felix standing frozen in the snack aisle.

Felix meets your gaze, his expression calm but incredulous, like he's just been inconvenienced by the universe itself. "You've got to be fucking kidding me," he mutters under his breath.

You can't help it, a disbelieving snort escapes you as you glance at the gunman, then back at Felix. "Of course this happens while we're here."

Felix sighs dramatically, setting the basket down on the floor with a deliberate thud. "Fucking typical. Can't even get some fucking ramen without some prick trying to play GTA in real life."

The gunman notices you and Felix standing there, clearly unimpressed by the gravity of the situation and waves the gun in your direction. "I said get on the fucking floor!"

You exchange a look with Felix, then slowly lower yourselves to the ground. Felix lies down with all the enthusiasm of someone forced to participate in a group project they didn't sign up for, folding his arms under his head like he's on a beach. "Of all the fucking convenience stores," he mutters under his breath, "he had to walk into this one."

You shoot him a look, biting back a laugh as you settle onto the dirty tiles. "Shut the fuck up, Felix."

"I'm just saying," he whispers, propping his chin on his hand like he's bored. "This guy couldn't pick a different store? A bank, maybe? Literally anywhere else?"

The gunman slams his fist on the counter, yelling at the clerk. "Hurry the fuck up and open the register!"

You glance toward the counter, then back at Felix, who has now rolled onto his side like he's posing for a calendar. "Do you think it's real?" he murmurs, tilting his head toward the gun.

You stifle a laugh, clamping your hand over your mouth. "Felix, shut the fuck up."

He grins, his voice dropping to a low, amused whisper. "I'm just saying, what if it's, like, a water gun? Or some shitty BB gun he got off eBay?"

You shake your head, trying to suppress the absurd giggle bubbling in your chest, but it escapes anyway. Felix shoots you a triumphant look, clearly pleased with himself.

"Oi, you two!" the gunman barks, his voice cracking with frustration. "Shut the fuck up back there!"

Felix doesn't even flinch. "Sure thing, Mr. Criminal Mastermind," he mutters under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear.

"Felix!" you hiss, your voice a mix of a scold and a laugh. "You're gonna get us killed."

He shrugs, his grin unrelenting. "Doubt it. He's all talk."

To prove Felix wrong, the guy fires a shot into the air. The deafening crack makes you flinch instinctively, your hand flying to Felix's arm. He stays completely unfazed, his expression almost bored as he mutters, "See? Terrible fucking aim."

You choke on a laugh, burying your face in your arms to muffle the sound. Felix, ever the shit-stirrer, grins like a Cheshire cat.

"Shut the fuck up back there!" the guy yells again, his voice higher now, tinged with panic.

Felix leans his head closer to yours, his voice still low and dripping with amusement. "Think he's ever been laid?"

"Felix," you whisper, biting your lip to stop another laugh. "For fuck's sake-"

"What?" he says, feigning innocence. "It's a valid question. He's got serious incel energy."

The gunman stomps toward the back of the store, still yelling at the clerk, and Felix lets out another exaggerated sigh. "Fucking rookie," he mutters, shaking his head like he's genuinely disappointed.

You glance at him, half-laughing, half-mortified. "I can't take you fucking anywhere, Lee Felix."

"And you fucking love it," he replies, his grin widening. "Now, let's see how this plays out."

The guy spins back toward you and Felix, his gun raised and pointed directly at the two of you. His posture screams tension, shoulders hunched, chest heaving, hands shaking slightly.

But you and Felix? You're fucking useless. The absurdity of the whole situation has a death grip on both of you, and neither of you can stop laughing.

"You think this is fucking funny?" the guy barks, his voice vibrating with equal parts rage and disbelief.

You're clutching Felix's hoodie sleeve as your shoulders shake. The laughter bubbles uncontrollably out of your chest, your face pressed into Felix's arm in a desperate attempt to muffle the sound. Felix isn't helping. He's snickering like a teenager in church, his lips twitching upward every time he glances at the guy.

"Funniest shit I've seen all week," Felix mutters, wiping at his eyes like he's genuinely emotional about the comedy of it all.

"Stand the fuck up!" The guy waves his gun wildly at you, his voice cracking as he shouts.

Felix lets out a long-suffering sigh, tilting his head back as though this is the greatest inconvenience of his life. "Alright, alright, keep your fucking panties on," he mutters, nudging you gently with his shoulder. "C'mon, sweetheart. We wouldn't wanna upset Mr. Very Serious Crime Guy."

You both get to your feet, but the laughter doesn't stop. It's fucking ridiculous, and neither of you can find it in yourselves to take this seriously. not when Felix's mouth is twitching like he's fighting back the punchline to a bad joke.

The guy points his gun directly at Felix now, his knuckles white against the grip. "You wanna get shot, pretty boy?"

Felix blinks at him, utterly unfazed. "Not particularly, but thanks for the offer. Generous of you."

The sound that escapes you is half-snort, half-laugh, and you slap a hand over your mouth immediately. The guy's eyes snap to you, his glare sharp enough to cut glass, but you can't stop the way the giggles keep bubbling out of your throat.

"You're really leaning into this whole 'angry criminal' vibe, huh?" Felix says, tilting his head at the guy. His tone is light, conversational, like they're discussing the weather. "Bit cliché, though, don't you think?"

"What the fuck are you on about?" The guy's voice is rising now, his frustration palpable.

"Oh, you know," Felix says, gesturing vaguely toward the gun with a casual flick of his wrist. "Big scary man with a weapon compensating for some deeply-rooted insecurities. Classic projection."

"What the fuck did you just say?" the guy spits, his stance bristling with barely-contained rage.

"You heard me," Felix smirks, his voice laced with mockery. "Screams small dick energy."

Your laugh bursts out of you before you can stop it, loud and breathless, and you double over slightly, gripping Felix's arm to steady yourself. Felix looks down at you, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. The guy's face, what little of it is visible beneath the ski mask, flushes an angry red.

"You little shits," the guy growls, his voice trembling with rage. "Keep running your mouths, see what happens."

"Oh no," Felix deadpans, leaning closer to you like he's letting you in on a joke. "He's threatening us, sweetheart. Whatever will we do?"

"I don't know. Maybe if we laugh hard enough, he'll rethink his life choices."

"You're fucking insane!" the guy shouts, taking a menacing step forward. His hands shake harder now, the barrel of the gun wobbling slightly as he points it between the two of you.

Felix raises an eyebrow, his grin widening. "Us? You're the one waving a gun around at four in the fucking morning. You might wanna reevaluate some things."

Before the guy can reply, there's a sudden, sharp crack from behind him. The sound echoes through the store, followed by a guttural thud as the guy stumbles forward and crashes face-first onto the dirty tile. The gun clatters to the floor, and behind him stands the cashier, gripping a battered wooden baseball bat like it's his lifeline.

The cashier's eyes are wide, his chest heaving as he stares down at the unconscious man. For a moment, no one moves. Then Felix lets out a slow clap, each exaggerated smack of his hands ringing out in the silent store.

"Fucking hell," Felix says, his tone downright cheerful. "Didn't think you had it in you. That was beautiful. Poetry in motion."

The cashier glares at him, his grip on the bat still tight. "Nice job distracting him with your dumb fucking jokes and fake giggling," he mutters. "Really helped."

"Oh no, that wasn't a distraction," Felix replies, shaking his head with a shit-eating grin. "That was one hundred percent real. Funniest fucking thing I've ever been part of."

"You're kidding," the cashier deadpans, his face a mix of exhaustion and disbelief.

"Not even a little," Felix says, grinning wider. "You're a goddamn hero, though. Iconic. Sweetheart, wasn't that iconic?"

You nod, still laughing as you lean against Felix for support. "To be fair," you say, your voice breathless, "who even robs a convenience store at four in the fucking morning? Deserved it."

The cashier stares at you both like you're clinically insane, but his shoulders sag as he lets out a heavy sigh. "You're both fucking crazy," he mutters. "Anyway, whatever you want? It's on the house. Just take it and get the fuck out of here before I have to call the cops."

Felix's eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning. "Oh, sweetheart, you heard the man. Free shit. Quick, grab more ramen. And vodka. Lots of vodka."

"Lix," you groan, though you can't keep the laughter out of your voice. "We don't need-"

"Sweetheart," Felix interrupts, grabbing another basket with one hand and slinging his free arm around your shoulders. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You don't say no to free snacks."

You roll your eyes but let him lead the way, watching as he raids the shelves like a man on a mission. Chips, candy, booze, more energy drinks, instant ramen, it all goes into the basket with reckless abandon.

You grab a few more chocolate bars and a pack of cookies for good measure, and by the time you're done, the two of you are weighed down with enough junk food to survive a nuclear apocalypse.

"Thanks, legend," Felix says as he carries the overloaded basket to the door. "You've earned that Employee of the Month title."

The cashier doesn't even respond, too busy dialling the cops as you and Felix step out into the chilly night air. The faint wail of sirens carries in the distance, and Felix glances down at you, his grin softening slightly as he balances the bags in his hands.

"You alright, sweetheart?" he asks, his voice quieter now.

You nod, leaning into his side as you start the walk back. "Yeah. You?"

He hums thoughtfully, then smirks. "Honestly? Best fucking night of my life."

The streets are eerily silent, save for the occasional rustle of leaves in the faint breeze as you and Felix stumble your way back to the Alpha Phi frat house. The neon-lit chaos of the convenience store feels like a fever dream now, the vodka in your systems the only tangible evidence it even happened.

Both of you are giggling like fucking lunatics, swigging from your bottles with zero regard for the fact that it's nearing five in the morning. The night air bites at your exposed skin, but the vodka burns hot in your veins, a liquid fire keeping you both upright. Barely.

Felix pauses mid-step, his sneakers scraping against the pavement as he takes another long drink from his bottle. His cheeks are flushed a warm pink, and his eyes gleam with sloppy amusement as he holds up the now-almost-empty bottle like it's the fucking Holy Grail. "Fuck me, this is some good shit. Tastes better 'cause it's free."

You laugh, tipping your own bottle up for another swig. The sharp sweetness burns your throat, but it's the good kind of burn, the kind that makes everything seem a little funnier. "Cherry vodka might actually be the love of my life," you say with a contented sigh, lowering the bottle. "Sorry, Lix."

Felix gasps in mock offense, clutching his chest like you've just personally betrayed him. "Sweetheart, how could you? I thought we had something special. Something real."

"Not as real as this vodka," you tease, stumbling a little as your foot catches on a crack in the sidewalk. Felix reacts instantly, one arm looping around your waist to steady you.

"You're fucking hopeless," he mutters, grinning as he tugs you closer to his side. "You fall for vodka faster than you fall for me. What the fuck is that about?"

"It's vodka," you reply, deadpan. "What do you expect?"

By the time you reach the corner leading to the frat house, both of your bottles are empty. Felix stares at his in mild disappointment, tipping it upside down and watching the last drop cling stubbornly to the glass before giving up with a huff. "We're not even fucking home yet, and we're already out," he mutters. "What's the plan? Drink more when we get back?"

"Obviously," you say, leaning into his shoulder. "We've got enough booze to kill an entire marching band."

Felix throws his head back and laughs, the sound echoing into the empty streets. "Alright, operation 'drink until we don't remember shit' is a go."

The sight of the frat house looming ahead sends another wave of laughter through you both. By the time you reach the front steps, you're practically doubled over, clutching Felix's arm as you try to keep your balance. He's no better, leaning heavily on the railing with the bags of stolen snacks and booze swinging precariously from one hand.

The front door creaks open just as you're about to fall inside, the sound startling enough to cut your laughter short. Heavy footsteps echo from the stairs, and you both look up to see Chan and Changbin at the top landing, their faces an unholy mix of confusion and irritation.

Chan's hair sticks up like he's been electrocuted, and his hoodie is lopsided. Changbin leans against the railing, squinting at you like you're a cryptid that wandered into their territory.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" Chan asks, his voice hoarse from sleep. "It's almost five in the fucking morning."

Felix, unbothered, beams up at him like he's just spotted his long-lost soulmate. "Cahn," he says, waving a hand dramatically. "You wouldn't believe the night we've had. We almost got shot."

Your nod is enthusiastic, but your balance is shit, and you clutch at Felix's sleeve to keep from toppling over. "Yeah! Gun! Right in our fucking faces."

"A real one," Felix adds helpfully, his grin spreading wider. "With bullets."

"Pew pew bang bang!" you chime in, mimicking finger guns to drive the point home.

Felix, clearly inspired, joins in with his own finger guns. "Yeah, pew pew bang bang! Dude fired into the ceiling, real bullets and everything."

Chan's jaw drops. He looks from you to Felix and back again, his eyebrows knitting together in sheer disbelief. "I beg your fucking pardon?" he finally says, his voice rising an octave.

You wave your hands like you're trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler. "So, we were at the store, and this guy walks in with a gun, and-"

"And we started laughing," Felix interrupts, his tone as casual as if he's explaining what he had for breakfast.

Changbin throws up his hands, his voice thick with exasperation. "Why the fuck would you laugh?"

"Because it was hilarious," Felix says, slinging an arm around your shoulders like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Chan's expression darkens, his voice low and deadly as he points a finger at you both. "I'm telling my mother."

Your gasp is immediate and full of melodrama. "Noooooo! Jess will lecture me for hours! I don't have parents! I'm supposed to be allowed to make dumb fucking decisions!"

Chan crosses his arms, his face blank but his tone sharp as a knife. "Tough shit. You're getting a lecture."

"I'll be good!" you plead, clasping your hands together like you're in front of a judge. "I swear, I'll be so fucking good."

Chan raises an eyebrow. "You've never been good a day in your life."

You let out a loud, mock-serious sigh. "It all started when my mom left me as a safe haven baby."

"Nice fucking try," Chan says. "That shit stopped working on me years ago"

Felix, still grinning, leans into you conspiratorially. "You're really playing the abandonment card?"

"It's my trump card," you say, throwing your hands in the air. "But apparently it doesn't work on Chan! What's the point of being parentally abandoned as an infant if I can't use it to get out of shit?"

Another voice slices through the quiet, low and laced with irritation. "It's five in the fucking morning. What the hell is going on down here?"

Everyone turns to see Minho standing at the top of the stairs, his red hair sticking up in every direction, a messy halo around his head like he's some pissed-off, sleep-deprived god of chaos. He leans heavily on the railing, his hoodie half-zipped and sliding off one shoulder.

His eyes narrow as he surveys the scene. the bags of snacks and booze, you half-drunk and clinging to Felix for balance, Chan and Changbin looking like disapproving parents. It's a tableau of absolute fucking nonsense.

Felix takes one look at Minho's dishevelled figure and immediately bursts out laughing, doubling over and clutching his stomach. "Oh god," he wheezes between giggles, his voice echoing down the hall. "It's all three dads. We're so fucked."

Minho raises an unimpressed eyebrow, his tone flat but deadly as he crosses his arms. "Alright, my dear children, tell Daddy Minho why you disturbed his very precious fucking rest before I drag you both into the front yard and bury you alive."

"We almost died!" you announce, pointing a dramatic finger in his direction like you're presenting damning evidence. "Gun! Right to the face!"

Minho doesn't flinch. His expression doesn't even flicker. "Yeah, okay. What did we tell you about going to the convenience store at stupid o'clock?"

Felix grimaces, scratching the back of his neck like a guilty kid caught sneaking snacks. "Uh... don't?"

"Exactly," Minho snaps, his voice sharp as a whip. He gestures vaguely toward the bags and the bottles in Felix's hands. "And yet, here we are. Grounded. Both of you."

"Nooooo!" you and Felix groan in perfect unison, your voices overlapping like two toddlers being told to go to bed early.

"Wait, wait, wait!" you blurt, holding up a finger like you've just had the best idea ever. "Vodka! We got vodka for free! The cashier gave it to us!"

Felix nods enthusiastically and hoists one of the bags up as proof. "Yeah, we've got vodka, tequila, energy drinks, snacks—everything you could ever fucking want. We're heroes, Minho."

Minho's eyes narrow further, but there's the faintest twitch at the corner of his mouth. "Tequila?"

Felix gasps, looking genuinely insulted. "What do you take us for, fucking amateurs? Of course, we grabbed tequila."

For a moment, Minho stares down at you both, his silence heavy, his expression unreadable. Then his arms drop, and he lets out a low, resigned sigh before a sly grin creeps across his face. "No longer grounded," he declares, his voice light with amusement. "Let's get pissed."

"Minho!" Chan yells, his tone sharp enough to cut glass. He storms down the stairs, his face a mixture of exasperation and disbelief. "It's five in the fucking morning! They're already half-drunk! You're supposed to be the responsible one!"

Minho shrugs, stepping off the last stair with the calm, unshakable determination of a man who has long since stopped giving a fuck. "It's cocktail hour somewhere."

Felix throws his hands in the air like he's just scored the winning goal in overtime. "That's the fucking spirit! Come on, sweetheart," he says, grabbing your hand and dragging you toward the living room. "We've got three pseudo-dads, a liquor stash, and zero self-control. Let's make some fucking memories!"

Changbin, still leaning on the railing, shakes his head with a groan. "I'm not babysitting these drunk fucks," he mutters, gesturing vaguely toward you and Felix.

You, Felix, and Minho collapse onto the massive couch. Felix pulls you onto his lap without hesitation, his arms circling your waist in a loose, easy hold as you lean back against his chest. The bags of snacks and booze are scattered across the floor, casualties of your impromptu raid on the convenience store.

Minho lounges on the other side of the couch, unscrewing the cap of the tequila bottle with the kind of dramatic flourish that makes it clear he's ready to wreak havoc.

"Straight from the bottle," Minho declares, holding the tequila aloft like it's the fucking crown jewels. "Let's go, my child. Make Daddy proud."

You laugh, reaching for the bottle of vodka Felix just cracked open. "Honestly, Minho, you and Chan are the closest things I've ever had to father figures. You've been promoted."

Minho immediately slams his free hand over his chest, his face crumpling into a mask of mock emotion. "You are my child. I birthed you."

Felix chokes on his drink, shaking with laughter as his chin digs into your shoulder. "Birthed? Minho, what the actual fuck are you on about?"

"I did!" Minho insists, his voice rising in indignation as he takes a long swig from the tequila bottle. "Chan impregnated me, and I carried her for nine long, beautiful months. I sacrificed my body."

You nod solemnly, raising your vodka bottle in agreement. "That tracks. Explains the trauma."

Minho gives you a look of absolute reverence like you've just said something profound. "I will give you away at your wedding. You are my legacy. Always."

"Okay," Chan cuts in, his voice sharp and disbelieving as he hovers by the arm of the couch with his hands on his hips. "What the fuck is happening right now?"

Minho points at him with the tequila bottle, his expression stone-cold serious. "Our child is seeking validation, Christopher. As her other father, you should be supporting this."

"How many times have we had this conversation?" Chan demands, his tone flat but laced with exasperation. "You pull this shit every time you drink."

"Denial is a river in Egypt, my friend," Minho replies smoothly, taking another swig of tequila. "And it doesn't look good on you. Accept that you have a daughter."

"I mean, can I have, like, a trust fund or something? That'd be nice."

Chan's glare turns to you, his voice dripping with judgment. "I'm not giving you a trust fund. But, if we're doing this whole 'parent' thing, can we at least ban her from having boyfriends?"

Felix's arms tighten around your waist, his laughter cutting through the air as he jerks his head toward Chan. "Oi, what the fuck, Chan? You can't just ban her from dating!"

"Yeah, Chan," you add, your voice teasing as you twist in Felix's lap to face him. "What are you, the fucking dating police?"

Minho shakes his head, waving the tequila bottle in the air like a judge passing a decree. "It's fine. My daughter is a virgin anyway, right?"

You nod seriously, lifting your vodka bottle in toast. "Absolutely. Pure as snow. As virginal as Mary"

Felix lets out a snort so loud it's almost a honk, his lips pressed to your shoulder as he tries to suppress the full-on laugh threatening to escape. "Oh yeah," he says, his voice trembling with barely contained laughter. "Virgin. Totally. 100%."

Chan raises an eyebrow, his tone dry as a fucking desert. "Yeah, sure. Do you know how many times I've had to pick her up so she doesn't have to do the walk of shame?"

Minho gasps so dramatically you're surprised he doesn't pass out. "My baby! My sweet, innocent child! Grounded. For life."

"Still drinking vodka, though, right?" you ask, already taking another swig.

Minho waves a dismissive hand, sighing like a man resigned to his fate. "Yeah, fine. But get off that man's lap. Disgusting. My daughter will not date a man. It's unnatural. Foul."

Felix nearly spits out his drink, laughing so hard he doubles over, his face buried in the crook of your neck. You just raise an eyebrow at Minho, unimpressed. "You're gonna let me drink straight vodka at five in the fucking morning but not sit on my boyfriend's lap?"

"Correct," Minho says without hesitation. "I have standards."

Changbin, perched in the armchair across from the couch, has been quietly watching the entire exchange with wide-eyed amusement. Finally, he snorts, shaking his head. "You're all fucking insane."

Before anyone can respond, a loud, rapid thud thud thud comes from the stairs, and Jisung bounds into the living room like an overexcited puppy. His silver hair is a mess, his hoodie half hanging off one shoulder, and his eyes immediately lock onto the chaos on the floor.

"Ooh! You woke up Daddy One, Daddy Two, and Daddy Three. Naughty, naughty. Ooh, tequila! Vodka! Energy drinks! Gimme, Gimme, Gimme-"

Felix raises his vodka bottle like it's an offering to the gods. "A man after midnight!"

Jisung cackles, flopping onto the arm of the couch next to Minho and swiping the tequila. "So what's the occasion?"

"We almost got shot," Felix says casually, taking another swig of vodka.

"Cool, cool, cool," Jisung replies, nodding along. Then his eyes widen, his hand freezing mid-air. "Wait, WHAT?"

You and Felix burst into laughter so hard you're practically wheezing. Jisung stares at you both like you've grown a second head. "Shot? As in bang bang, bullet-in-the-head shot?"

"Yep," Felix says, popping the "p" as he grins at you. "Sweetheart and I were just chilling at the convenience store, and this guy walks in with a fucking gun."

"And we got the giggles," you add, waving your vodka bottle like it's a fucking magic wand.

Jisung turns to Chan, Changbin and Minho, his expression pleading for sanity. "Are they serious?"

Changbin pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering, "Oh, they're serious. They think almost dying is fucking hilarious."

"It was hilarious!" Felix insists, his grin widening. "The guy told us to get on the floor, and we just couldn't stop laughing."

"I hate both of you," Chan says flatly.

"And I love them," Minho announces, clinking his tequila bottle against your vodka. "Idiots, the lot of you, but you're my idiots."

Jisung, still processing, raises the tequila bottle. "Alright. To not dying, I guess."

"To not fucking dying!" Felix and you cheer, clinking bottles with him as the chaos spirals deeper into drunken absurdity.

Two hours later and the living room looks like a warzone. Empty bottles are scattered across the floor like casualties of a battle waged entirely with booze. Crushed chip bags and forgotten ramen cups lie abandoned among the chaos, the salty smell mingling with the faint tang of spilt tequila. 

You're sprawled on the couch with Jisung, the two of you draped over each other like a pair of drunk koalas clinging to the last branch of sanity.

Between you sits a half-empty bottle of vodka and a pot of ramen Chan reluctantly made because, as he so eloquently put it, "There's no fucking way I'm letting you absolute morons near a kettle."

Felix is next to you, his legs spread wide as he lounges back comfortably. He's working his way through a family-sized bag of Doritos with the lazy satisfaction of a man who knows he's witnessing peak entertainment.

Minho is perched precariously on the arm of the couch, swaying slightly as he holds a bottle of tequila. His hands gesture wildly as he launches into yet another drunken tirade, his words slurred but his enthusiasm unrelenting.

"You see," Minho begins, pointing dramatically between you and Felix, "Y/N is my child. Chan's child. Our love child. I birthed her myself. With pain. Like a hero."

You snort, nudging Jisung with your elbow. "See, Ji? I told you. Minho's my real dad."

Jisung clutches his chest with mock emotion, lifting the vodka bottle in a toast. "To Dad Minho, the strongest mother we know."

Minho beams like a drunk king accepting his coronation. "Exactly. And you, Jisung, you're the sad little bastard we found under a bridge and decided to keep out of the goodness of our hearts."

Jisung gasps, clutching at his hoodie dramatically. "You mean... I'm adopted?!"

"Of course you are," Minho replies, patting him on the head like a puppy. "But don't worry. We love you anyway"

Felix crunches loudly on a Dorito, raising an eyebrow at Minho. "Alright, then what the fuck does that make me?"

Minho's face twists into an exaggerated grimace, and he waves a dismissive hand in Felix's direction. "You? You're the boyfriend. The bad influence. We don't approve."

Felix gasps, pressing a hand to his heart like he's been mortally wounded. "Excuse me?! I am an amazing influence."

"Bullshit," Minho snaps, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You're corrupting my firstborn."

Felix turns to you, his eyes wide and filled with mock sincerity. "Sweetheart, am I corrupting you?"

You shrug, slurping a mouthful of ramen before replying, "If by 'corrupting' you mean ingraining the word cunt into my vocabulary, then yes."

"Traitor," Felix mutters, stuffing another Dorito into his mouth as Minho grins triumphantly.

Across the room, Chan and Changbin sit squished together on the loveseat, sipping coffee like two parents forced to watch their kids self-destruct in real time.

"I love them," Changbin says after a moment, his voice soft but full of incredulity. "But their brains need studying. Like, properly. By professionals."

Chan groans, rubbing a hand down his face. "At this rate, I'm going to need a fucking PhD just to figure out what goes on in their heads."

Before either of them can say more, footsteps echo from the stairs, and the rest of the frat stumbles into view. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin stop dead at the sight of the living room, their faces a mix of confusion and barely contained horror.

"What the fuck?" Hyunjin snaps, his long black hair falling into his face as he surveys the scene. "Why are you all awake at seven in the fucking morning?"

Chan points vaguely toward the couch, his voice flat. "Y/N and Felix almost got shot. Now they're doing... this." He waves his hand in a wide arc at the mess of people, booze, and crushed chips. "Minho decided to turn it into some Freudian family shit."

"Shot?" Jeongin asks, his eyes wide as he looks at you. "As in... bang bang, shot?"

"Yes!" you pipe up, raising your hand like a kid in class. "Gun! Bang bang! It was awesome."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Seungmin mutters, rubbing his temples. "What is wrong with you people?"

Minho, still perched like a drunk king on the arm of the couch, lights up at the sight of Jeongin. He spreads his arms wide, nearly toppling over as he grins. "Innie! My youngest! My pride and joy! Come here, baby boy."

Jeongin's face twists into a scowl, his voice flat. "I'm older than Y/N."

Minho waves him off. "Shush. You're my baby. Deal with it." He then swivels to Seungmin and points the tequila bottle at him. "And you, Seungminnie, you're the family dog."

Seungmin blinks, his face deadpan. "The what?"

Minho doesn't even pause. "And Hyunjin!" He turns his wild grin on the tall figure standing in the doorway. "Hyunjin is the obnoxious aunt. Definitely had plastic surgery but denies it."

"Excuse me?" Hyunjin's voice cracks. "What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Just own it, darling," Minho says serenely, taking another swig of tequila. "Oh, and Hyunjin's married to Changbin."

Changbin nearly spits out his coffee, coughing. "What?!"

"You're married," Minho says, gesturing between them with the tequila bottle. "And you want to kill yourself because of it. Classic sitcom material." He claps his hands, grinning widely. "And that's our family!"

Chan groans, burying his face in his hands. "Why the fuck am I friends with any of you?"

"Because you love us," you chime in, poking your head up from Felix's shoulder with a grin.

"I fucking tolerate you," Chan fires back, glaring.

"That's basically love," Felix says, laughing as he pulls you closer into his lap. "Don't fight it."

Hyunjin throws his hands in the air. "I'm going back to bed. Good luck with... whatever this is."

"Coward!" Minho yells after him, raising his bottle like a battle cry.

Jeongin and Seungmin share a look of pure exhaustion before turning and trudging back toward the kitchen, muttering about the need for industrial-strength coffee. The door swings shut behind them, leaving the rest of you in the thick of the chaos.

"Still don't approve of you dating my firstborn," Minho mutters, pointing a finger at Felix.

"Still don't care," Felix replies with a grin, popping another Dorito into his mouth.

Minho groans dramatically, flopping back against the couch. "Why do my children hate me?"

"Because you're fucking insane," Changbin says dryly, his voice muffled by another sip of coffee.

"And yet," Minho says, raising his bottle for the umpteenth time, "you all love me."

"Unfortunately," Chan mutters, shaking his head. "Unfortunately, we do."

The clock ticks closer to 9 AM, and the booze has finally won the battle. The four of you are sprawled across the couch in varying stages of disarray. Minho's top is half off, Jisung's hoodie is somehow inside out, Felix's hair is sticking up at impossible angles, and you're pretty sure there's a chip stuck to your thigh. The room smells like tequila, vodka, ramen, and regret. A recipe for both a headache and a lecture from Chan later.

"Bed," Minho groans, dragging a hand down his face as he pushes himself off the couch. His steps are slow and heavy, like his body might give out at any second. "I'm fucking done with all of you."

"Noooo," Jisung whines, already crawling after him like a determined, overgrown toddler. "Your bed's huge, Minho! We're coming with you."

You and Felix exchange a glance and with zero hesitation, you stumble off the couch after them, your legs wobbly as Felix laces his fingers with yours and tugs you close. His hand is warm, steadying you as the four of you shuffle down the hallway like a drunken parade.

Minho's room, as expected, is pure chaos disguised as order. The space is spotless, the faint scent of cedarwood lingering in the air, but the bed is unnecessarily massive, a king-sized monstrosity with pristine white sheets and an unreasonable number of pillows. Jisung faceplants into it immediately, sprawling out like a starfish as Minho looms over him.

"Move, you little shit," Minho mutters, shoving Jisung's leg with his foot. "You're not hogging the whole fucking thing."

Jisung groans but shifts over just enough to make room for Minho, who flops down beside him with a dramatic sigh. You and Felix follow, collapsing onto the bed like marionettes with cut strings. Felix lands on his back, pulling you down beside him, his arm slipping around your waist as you curl into his side.

"Holy fuck," you mumble, pressing your face against Felix's chest. "This bed feels illegal. It's too soft."

"Minho's bed has diplomatic immunity," Felix replies, his voice laced with a teasing slur. He nuzzles into your hair, his breath warm against your scalp. "It's like sleeping on a goddamn cloud."

Minho grumbles something unintelligible, half-buried in a pillow. Jisung lets out a contented hum, his arm flopping lazily across Minho's stomach as his eyes flutter shut.

The room settles into a hazy quiet, the only sounds the occasional rustle of fabric and the soft rhythm of breathing. The morning light streams through the curtains, painting the room in a muted gold.

Jisung and Minho are the first to drift off, their bodies going slack as exhaustion finally wins. You're tucked snugly against Felix, your head rising and falling with the steady rhythm of his breathing.

"Sweetheart," Felix murmurs, his voice low and thick with exhaustion. "You awake?"

"Mmhm," you reply, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. His eyes are heavy-lidded, but there's a familiar warmth in them, his lips quirking into a lazy grin.

"Good," he whispers, his hand slipping up to cup your face, his thumb brushing softly against your cheek. "Because I've been wanting to do this all night."

Before you can ask what he means, he leans down, capturing your lips in a kiss that's as messy and uncoordinated as it is perfect. The taste of vodka lingers between you, sharp and heady, but you don't care. His lips are soft, warm, and slightly chapped, and his fingers tangle in your hair as he pulls you closer.

You kiss him back, your hands curling into the fabric of his shirt, anchoring yourself to him as the world narrows to just the two of you. The kiss is desperate and imperfect, all teeth and alcohol-fueled fervour, but it feels right. Time blurs as his lips move against yours, his thumb tracing slow, lazy circles against your waist.

The moment is broken by a sharp, muffled grumble from beside you. Suddenly, a pillow smashes into Felix's face with enough force to make him jerk back in surprise. You both turn to see Minho glaring at you, his expression a mix of grumpy and murderous as he wields another pillow like a weapon.

"Absolutely fucking not," Minho snaps, shoving Felix with one hand and using the other to wedge himself between you. "Not in my bed. I will not be subjected to this bullshit."

"Minho!" you protest, groaning as you roll onto your back. "We weren't even doing anything."

"Bullshit," he fires back, scowling as he claims the space between you and Felix like a petty landlord. "You can only have sex in my bed if I'm involved. House rules."

"Sweetheart," Felix says, his voice half-laugh, half-exasperation as he props himself up on his elbow. "Your pseudo-dad's cockblocking me."

You burst out laughing, turning away from Felix and burying your face in Jisung's chest to stifle the sound. Jisung stirs slightly, blinking up at you with a sleepy smile as he instinctively wraps his arms around you.

"Hey," he mumbles, his voice thick with drowsiness. "You comfy?"

"Comfy," you reply, snuggling closer to him. His chest is warm, his heartbeat a slow, steady rhythm against your cheek.

Felix, now fully displaced, groans as he flops onto his back on the other side of Minho. "Fine," he mutters, throwing an arm over his eyes. "Guess I'll just cuddle you instead, Minho."

"Don't fucking touch me," Minho snaps, though he doesn't push Felix away when the blonde drapes an arm across him with a shit-eating grin.

"You smell like tequila and bad decisions," Felix quips, his voice full of amusement.

"And you smell like vodka and desperation," Minho shoots back, though there's no real venom in his tone. "Perfect match."

Across the bed, Jisung hums softly, already half-asleep again, his arms tightening around you. The room falls into a peaceful quiet, the warmth of shared bodies and the morning sunlight creating a cocoon of comfort. Minho grumbles one last time about "fucking kids" before burying his face in a pillow and letting sleep take him.

Felix shifts slightly, resting his chin on Minho's shoulder as he murmurs, "Goodnight, sweetheart."

You smile, your eyes drifting closed as you reply softly, "Goodnight, Lix."

And finally, the chaos fades, replaced by the gentle cadence of steady breathing and the warmth of four idiots crammed into one bed. It's messy, unconventional, and absolutely fucking perfectly imperfect. 

[jocelynscrazyideas]

Kiss it better | Jack Hughes x Reader

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Warning: smut, language, surgery?

Summary: Jack demands you cook him a lunch after his surgery, but he’s supposed to be healed. As the “best” girlfriend in the world you fix up a salad and share with Jack. Jack decides he wants more to eat, but not food.

A:N- AGH first time writing for a summer blurb!! Also it’s really short bc I had lots of hw recently!! (Sorry!)

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

It’s off season. Jack and I are in Michigan, Jack has been watching Quinn play, and I’ve been tanning. I called Luke to check in and he said that it’s been stressful, playing with older guys, specially ones who’ve played in worlds before.

“Baby?” Jack hollers for me.

“Coming!” I reply, I throw my Jean shorts from American Eagle in the clean pile of clothes I’ve gathered, and run upstairs. Jack and I live in the basement, and Jack likes to spend his time upstairs on the main floor watching the TV.

Normally the guys spend time downstairs playing pool, and I watch Dance Moms on the TV next to the pool table. Jack is doing well with his recovery after his surgery.

“I’m hungry, I know. It’s a lot to ask for but could you make me some avocado toast with chicken parm salad?” Jack seems like he’s on his monthly period cravings. I mean it sounds good.

“Of course, only if you help me.” I say, and Jack throws his gaming controller to his blanket on the side. He gets up, rolls his shoulders out and cracks his neck. He stands behind me when I been down to grab the chicken.

I stand up and see him towering over me. I lean in for a kiss after setting down the ingredients. I pull back to grab a bowl from a cabinet, I pull out a fork to distract myself from the man that stares at me like I’m the only girl in the world.

“You’re so cute.” Jack says, disrupting the noise of tension between us. “I know.” I say giving him a stare. Right now we’re home alone, but I’m sure Ellen and Jim are heading back from Target.

“Mom will be home soon.” Jack says. I’m sure he’s inferring that we need to hurry up if we’re gonna do stuff.

I make it known I feel the same, but before I can say anything to stop me from going in for more kisses, Ellen walks in from the garage door.

“Hey mama bear!” I rant out, I push Jack away. I pour the lettuce into the bowl and stir in a salad dressing I made last night. I cut in boiled eggs from last night and stuff them in the salad, I microwave the chicken, just because I didn’t feel like cooking. I chop the warmed meat and lose the chicken into the bowl. Done!

“Here, your salad.” I saw shoving the bowl into Jacks reach. I toasted up some toast and slice the avocados. I grab some seasoning and seasoned the toast, I spread some avocados and took a bite of my work, delicious. I hand the rest to Jack and I walk back downstairs to to finish my laundry.

“I’m coming baby.” Jack informs me as he runs down the stairs.

“Yeah you will.” I say as I throw all of my folded clothes off into a hamper, ruining all of my work. Jacks eyes glow when he talks to me, his beard needs to be shaved.

“You look so edible.” Jack says as he pulls me into his arms. Hands in my hips, he slides his head into my neck. My perfume wraps him into my chest, he’s stuck in this love bliss.

“I cant get enough of you. You look so yummy.” Jack whispers into my ear. He licks under my ear, and I feel his hot breath on my cheeks.

gross.

“That’s icky.” I say. I love to make him mad.

“Shut the fuck up.” Jack says as he lets go of me. He sits on our bed and watches me fold the laundry that I threw.

“I cant believe you did that. Y/n I need you, I haven’t felt actually love in forever.” Jack implying on my “turn off” of words.

“Sorry.” I holler back, knowing I don’t fully mean it. His medium toned hair sits right under his ears, he plays with his wristbands as I walk over to him.

“Can you sit back please?” I request. He does as I say, not making me having to push him back, which would have been easier.

I hop onto jacks legs as I straddle him. “You feel so warm. I’m freezing.” I wiggle out of my mouth as I start to rock my hips. I grab into jacks shoulder and start to whisper in his ears.

“Take everything off.” I imply.

“We could take it to the hot tub.” I suggested. “No, wr can start here and end on the boat.” Jack responded within seconds.

“Sure.”

I feed into jacks neck and leave a mark. He’s bruised from my bites. Jack groans intensely as I start to make my way to his cargo shorts. I unzip everything and pull it off.

“You’re already so big.” I let out a sigh and take his boxers off. “Only for you.” Jack caressed my check and pulled my hair behind my ears.

I start jerking him and his head leans all the way back. Jack lifts his hips up when he feels he’s going to cum.

“Are you ready?” He asked me. His eyes glimmering up ast me. I pull down my leggings. I keep my shirt on and I lay on our bed. Jack spreads my legs as he goes down.

“You look wet already.” Jack insisting to start our activity. He pushes two fingers into my hole and he starts to pump. I feel erratic, my moaning screams out.

“Quiet down.” Jack deadly stared at me, and he pushed his tounge down my throat, I moan as he massaged my tounge into his. I feel our saliva mixing. I pushed his fingers farther in and I feel I’m going to cum. He lets go of my mouth.

He takes his fingers out as i jerk up from my release. Jack shoved one finger into his mouth licked it clean, and the other into mine. I suck kn it until he leans into me, I feel his hard cock pressed up against me.

He gets up as we try to finish what we started until we heard, “Jack! Help me clean up the yard! Your shoulder should be fine now!”

Jim and Ellen are having people over and apparently Jack needs to help him fix up the yard.

“We’ll finish later. I promise.” Jack smiled at me as he zips his cargo shorts on and pulled on his shirt. He leaves the room, and up the stairs as I hear him wash his hands upstairs.

I’m left alone in our room and I’m forced to do my laundry.

[feyburner]

hiii, do you have any good fall recipe recs? sweet or savoury I don’t mind I just regard you as a cooking god and am looking for inspiration

Yes! Here is my current To Make list.

Many I’ve made before and some are recipes I want to try.

I’m linking specific recipes just bc I’m copy pasting from my own list. Sorry for all the instagram reels, you can just google the name of the thing and find it.

I’m going apple picking with my friends sometime in early October so I’m already planning all the apple things I want to make 🤤🍎

And Friendsgiving… so many pies…

SWEET

- French Apple Cake/German Apple Cake

- Apple Tarte Tatin

- Apple Crunch Tart/“The Best Apple Tart in Paris”

- My auntie’s date pecan bread, one of my favorite quickbreads of all time. Yes you are reading that ingredient list correctly. This is for real fruit & nut enjoyers only. If you can’t play with the big boys go home.

- Pumpkin Bread

- Pumpkin Pie (I use the Libby’s recipe but double the cinnamon & ginger, brown sugar instead of white, 1 extra egg, and add 1 tsp vanilla, 1/2 tsp cardamom, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, a few cracks of black pepper, and lemon or orange zest. AND let the filling chill in the fridge overnight!!)

- Sweet Potato Pie (my own recipe, I’ll put under the cut)

- Pecan Pie (same)

- Cinnamon Roll Focaccia/Pumpkin Cinnamon Swirl Sourdough

- Orange Cardamom Olive Oil Cake

- Pear Almond Tart (Tarte Bourdaloue)

SAVORY

- Arayes (made already, so good)

- Crispy Pork Scallion Buns

- Coconut Curry Butternut Squash Sheet Pan Soup (+ Any Vegetable Sheet Pan Soup)

- Veggie Filo Crinkle Cake

- Peanut Noodle Soup

- Fall Squash Galette/Butternut Squash & Caramelized Onion Galette

- Crispy Parmesan Carrots

- Garam Masala Roasted Carrots

- Zucchini Cornbread

- Homemade (sourdough?) pizza with roasted butternut or kabocha squash, goat cheese, figs, caramelized onions

- My dad’s red beans and rice :)

- Spicy Korean Fried Chicken

- Potato Tart with Zucchini & Feta

- Thai Red Curry Dumpling Soup

- Channa Masala

MY RECIPES:

SWEET POTATO PIE

MAKES: 1 x 8-9” pie

INGREDIENTS

1 ½ lbs sweet potatoes (2-3 potatoes) (3 cups flesh), whole, to be roasted

1 x 12 oz can evaporated milk

1 cup (200g) dark brown sugar

2 eggs

5 Tbsp (70g) butter, melted

1 Tbsp lemon zest (zest of 1 lemon)

1 tsp lemon juice

1 Tbsp cinnamon

½ tsp kosher salt

½ tsp ginger

¼ tsp nutmeg

a few cracks (⅛ tsp) freshly ground black pepper

+

1 disc (½ recipe) All-Butter Pie Crust*

*I’ve posted my pie crust recipe on tumblr before tagged “recipes”

DIRECTIONS

1. Roast sweet potatoes: Preheat oven to 400°. Line a baking sheet with foil. Wash and scrub whole sweet potatoes. Pierce potatoes all over 3-5x with paring knife. Roast 45 minutes until fork tender. Let cool, then collect 3 cups flesh.

2. Prepare crust: Roll out pie dough (12-14” diameter circle, ¼” thick). Press into tin and crimp edges. Chill shaped shell in fridge or freezer until ready to use.

3. Preheat oven to 350°.

4. Make filling: Put all ingredients in food processor. Pulse 3-4x until smooth. (You can also use a blender, or simply beat ingredients until fully combined.)

5. Pour filling into pie shell.

6. Bake 45-60 minutes until puffed and firmly set (toothpick clean) everywhere except the very center, which should retain a very slight jiggle (but not look liquid). The center will set as it cools. Start checking at 45 minutes and continue baking at 5 minute intervals until set. (If crust gets too brown, shield edges with foil.)

7. Let cool completely before serving, at least 1 hour.

NOTES

Roast the potatoes whole, in the skins, so the sugars & starches properly caramelize. Do not steam or boil potatoes, even whole. They will take on water and make the filling soggy.

You can roast the potatoes up to 1 week in advance. Collect flesh day of.

PECAN PIE

MAKES: 1 x 8-9” pie

INGREDIENTS

2 cups (250g) chopped pecans

1 cup (200g) dark brown sugar

1 cup light or dark corn syrup

¼ cup (56g) butter

4 eggs

1 Tbsp vanilla

1 tsp kosher salt

1 tsp cinnamon

+

1 disc (½ recipe) All-Butter Pie Crust

DIRECTIONS

1. Prepare shell: Roll out pie dough (12-14” diameter circle, ¼” thick), press into tin, crimp edges. Chill shaped shell in fridge or freezer until ready to use.

2. Preheat oven to 350°.

3. Cook sugar syrup: In a saucepan, bring sugar, corn syrup, and butter to boil over medium heat for 1-2 minutes, whisking constantly, to cook sugar. Take off heat. Let cool slightly, 3 minutes.

4. Temper eggs: In a bowl, beat eggs until lightened and frothy. Slowly, while whisking, pour ½ cup of warm syrup into eggs. Whisk to combine. Then, while whisking, slowly pour egg mixture back into the remaining syrup mixture. Whisk until smooth.

5. Whisk in vanilla, salt, and cinnamon.

6. Pour chopped pecans into bottom of pie shell. Pour filling over pecans.

7. Bake 45-60 minutes until fully set everywhere except the very center, which should retain a very slight jiggle. The center will set as it cools. Start checking at 45 minutes and continue baking at 5 minute intervals until set.

8. Let cool completely before serving, at least 1 hour.

NOTES

Many recipes do not require you to cook the sugar before baking the pie. However, pre-cooking the sugar (and tempering the eggs) ensures the ideal gooey, silky, perfectly smooth texture.

Toast pecans if desired: Arrange pecans in a single layer on a baking sheet and toast in preheated oven 5-8 minutes.

[byuntrash101]

daddy's little trooper

reader x dom!yeosang

smut | nsfw | mdni

gentle dom!yeosang, daddy kink, daddy!yeosang, he's just so sweet and supportive but also knows exactly what he wants from you and he's here to get it, also thick cock, kitchen sex, morning sex, nipple play, oral (f), dirty talk (pure filth), praising, pet names (good girl, baby girl), orgasm control, multiples orgasms (both plurals intended because yes it's necessary), overstim, unprotected sex, creampie, slight cumplay, a tad of spitplay

requested | part of of my 2023 prompts event [closed]

after a torrid night with your boyfriend you wake up a little sore and hungry for a nutrious breakfast but yeosang is just insatiable

[❛ i like being close to you. you’re warm. ❜ + ❛ are you wearing my shirt? ❜]

TUMBLR IS BASED ON REBLOGS. PLEASE REBLOG MY WORK 🖤

The morning was your favorite part of the day. You enjoyed waking up early on your off days. It gave you time to pamper yourself and your boyfriend. Yeosang usually wakes up after you. He's more of a sleeper than you are and quite frankly after the night he gave you, you just let him be. He deserves a long uninterrupted sleep to help him recover.

So when the early rays of the sun brush against your cheeks and gently pull you out of your slumber you happily hop off the bed and slip the wrinkled shirt that you ripped of Yeosang’s body last night. The cold cotton on your skin and hardwood floor under your bare feet make you shiver which instantly makes you crave a nice cup of hot black tea.

While the water boils you start making breakfast for the both of you. After last night you figured your boyfriend will need something nutritious. You settle for scrambled eggs and bacon, a couple of pancakes and you even scavenge some leftover berries in the fridge for a vitamin packed smoothie.

As you’re frying the last strips of bacon you spot from the corner of your eye your lovely boyfriend coming into the kitchen, barely emerging from deep slumber. The adorable way he rubs the sleepiness out his eyes and beams back at you contrasts with his biceps contracting as he adorns only a simple pair of gray sweatpants, toned abs on display.

“Good morning sleepyhead” you greet him intentionally looking over the fact that he’s shirtless.

“Good mor-” he cuts himself when his eyes land on you “are you wearing my shirt ?” he points a finger in your direction.

“Yeah I was kinda cold and your shirt is so comfortable” you say as you flip the bacon strips, bringing your attention back to the stirring hot pan. 

“oh I see” he tilts his head in disbelief, the amused grin not leaving his lips. “It smells so good in here” Yeosang says while his muscular arms slip past your waist to tie themselves onto your stomach, chin resting on top of your head. You feel his comforting warmth on your back.

“Yeah it’s almost done but I like my bacon extra crispy” you stay completely still, Yeosang’s strong embrace making it difficult for you to move around and continue to cook breakfast.

“Yeo…” you start when you realize he doesn’t have the slightest intention to let go of you in the foreseeable future. “I’d like to throw these berries in the blender if you don’t mind” you try to take a step away but he holds you still. Strong arms contracting to prevent you from escaping his love.

“No.” he pouts. “You can’t go”. 

“Baby please” you ask again.

“I like being close to you, you’re warm” he whispers as his face slips to the crook of your neck. You relax into his arms, your hand leaving the spatula to stroke is blond hair. 

He buried his face in your hair taking deep breaths. 

“You smell so good, baby” he murmurs into the shell of your ear. You bite your lip trying not to shudder at his hot breath fanning your face. 

“I’m hungry” Yeosang states suddenly from behind you.

“Well yeah the bacon is done so sit down I’ll-” you are interrupted by the way your boyfriend rolled his hips into the small of your back, letting you feel he was becoming hard. You bit your lip again, harder this time as a myriad of butterflies took off in the pit of your stomach. 

Yeosang plants a series of wet kisses into your nape as one of his strong veiny hands reaches out to turn off the burner. His other hand slipped under the oversized shirt, his fingertips gracing your skin as he reached for your waist. You felt him smirk flush against your neck when he glazed over your hips and he would have normally left your underwear but today you didn’t take the time to slip some on. He grunted and pulled your waist further back on his ever growing bulge.

“Such a good girl for daddy” his slick tongue glazed your ear and you let your jaw fall down, head rolling back and resting into his muscular shoulder.

With swift movement he flips you to be facing him and crashed his lips on yours. The burning  sensations in your core sparks up when he laps at your lips, waiting for you to open yourself up to him. He immediately dives in when you do, both hands slipping on your outer thighs to cup your ass. You moan into the kiss as he lightly squeezes it. 

He breaks the kiss to hoist you up the kitchen counter, hazardously pushing the plates aside with his forearm. You lean back and prompt yourself up your elbows. His lips immediately latch back onto your blazing skin, trailing kisses down your neck to your collar bones where he unmade a couple of buttons to be able to dip further down on your chest. His hands now cup your breast over the thin cotton and your hands fly in to help him undress you but he stops you.

“No. I want you to keep it baby girl” he breathes against your skin. “You look good in it”.

You immediately comply, gently laying your hands flat on each side of you. 

His hands tease your nipples hardened into buds through the material, earning a moan from you. He licks over it before catching the clothed nub between his lips sucking on it. His saliva makes the white shirt see through, your perfect nipples peeking through the translucent patch.

“So pretty” he praises, and dives back immediately while his other hand slips under the shirt to cup your other breast. He teased, licked, sucked until they were so sensitive you were short of breath, your arousal pooling out of you, coating your thighs and possibly leaking onto the counter.

When he decides he’s had enough he lets go, going further south. Hands gripping your thighs down and you repress the urge to buck your hips up. He presses more feverish kisses to your hips while you squirm under his firm hold, thighs tightly pressed together, yearning for friction.

“Now be a good girl and spread your legs for daddy, okay?” he asks while he’s at eye level with your center. You feel a wave of shame on your body as you slowly and obediently part your legs. Stress makes your heart pound in your chest as his ardent eyes drink in your form.

“Fuck baby you look so good” he breathes against your pubic bone before planting an open mouth kiss right on the sensitive bud. You gasp and arch your back in response which makes Yeosang smirking against your folds. His tongue slides down your slit, lapping at the entrance, gathering your nectar. You moan under him.

“So fucking sweet” he growls, hands gripping your thighs harsher.

The tip of his tongue swirls around your clit and down your folds again. You can’t help but grind against his tongue as your mind gradually slips into a haze. Yeosang feels himself twitching in his sweats, thoroughly enjoying your neediness. He sucks on the bud lightly biting it, sending jolts of pleasure through your body, making heat rush on your chest and neck.

He licks and sucks until he feels you throb under his flat tongue. He knows you're close and he doesn’t want to make you wait for it.

“Go ahead baby. Cum.” he graciously allows you to chase your high. And you feel your center quiver in bliss as you give in to the pleasure. Walls clenching on themselves as your chest rises and falls rapidly, a long string of moans spilling from your lips.

But Yeosang doesn’t stop, he continues to eagerly lap at your over sensitive clit, keeping you at your highest as you start to kick your feet at the overwhelming pleasure.

“Come on baby give daddy one more.” he slips one of his long fingers inside you, you squeal as he so expertly curls it right into your sweet spot. You throw your head back, barely holding yourself on your elbow anymore, your eyes become watery as you try to concentrate back on the new found pleasure deep inside your core.

“Daddyyy” you whines as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten again. 

“That's it baby girl” he praises, not parting from your center. Still going strong with the flick of his tongue on your hard and swollen bud. Bending your mind and body into a second orgasm. This one is stronger, taking over your whole body and shooting through you, making your limbs tremble as your center constricts his finger with need. 

“My good girl” he whispers against you, slowing his pace to allow you to come down comfortably. He presses a kiss to your quivering center soaked with your cum and his spit. 

When you come back from the deepest pit of your mind you find Yeosang already stripped of his sweats. Big fat cock in his fist matching veins ornamenting the thick member and his muscular forearms. 

He aligns himself with your entrance, gathering some of the glistening mess on his tip before he very gently pushes inside you. You let a little whimper of pain fall from your lips as discomfort flashes in your orbs, your eyebrows meeting on your forehead.

“Awww” Yeosang immediately brings a soothing hand to your cheek. “I know baby you’re still a little sore from yesterday” he rubbed soothing circles in your face as he continued to fill you up. “Bear with me okay baby girl?”

You nodded, tears prickling your eyes again. But you kept on accepting him in your center as he stretched your wall to fit snug inside you until he had pushed his whole member to the last inch.

“Look at that baby” he cheered you for this small victory. “You took me all in baby. Daddy’s little trooper. I’m so proud of you” he flashed his pearly teeth and you couldn't help but to be proud of yourself as he gave you these few seconds to adapt to him.

“You can move now Daddy” you breathe out when you feel ready, your eyebrows relaxing into their initial position.

“Fuckkk” Yeosang hissed as he pulled out of your tight little pussy, gripping him like its life depended on it. “You feel sooo good around daddy’s cock” he pushed himself back in slowly again, careful not to hurt you, this time it felt better. “Daddy just loves your pretty little cunt so much” 

You moaned in response arching your back, bringing your hips further onto his, your eyes closing shut as your mind focussed only on the pleasure you felt.

“Look at me baby” Yeosang commanded. “Don’t you take your eyes off me babygirl”.

You obliged as he picked up the pace. Going faster with every stroke of his fat cock. You felt yourself tightening around him as the pleasure rose. Slowly getting you to get to flirt with your edge again. 

“Hmmm daddy this feels so good” you whined as your walls squeezed him harder.

“Yeah you like daddy’s cock?” he said smashing his hips into yours. You cried out as a response. You felt incredibly close you wanted to cum so bad but he still hadn’t given you permission so your risked the question.

“Daddy can I please cum?” you asked, your eyes diligently glued to his dark ones, like the obedient little girl that you were.

“Already baby?” he chuckled which made you slightly embarrassed. It’s true that it hadn’t been so long but you were just weak for him because he knew all your buttons so well… You nodded again, pleading eyes looking up at him in need.

“Okay baby. Cum on daddy’s thick cock” he finally slipped out the words in between deep moans. He grunted when he felt your cunt grip its way through your orgasm, cunt pulsating around him. He too was so close but he held it in slowly decreasing the rhythm of his hips snapping on yours until you were out of breath and his name slipped off your tongue over and over. Completely losing your mind to the overwhelming pleasure.

“Good girl” he said while your cum coating his dick made unholy squelching noises in the quiet morning. “I want you to cum again but with daddy this time” He picked up the pace again.

This time, after three groundbreaking orgasms you were exhausted and you really didn’t think you had it in you to cum again. You protested with small whines as he continued to fuck your exhausted little cunt.

“I- Da….ddyyy” you cried as you felt his tip repeatedly hit your sweet spot perfectly with each thrust. The overstimulation was unbearable, the pleasure forcing itself into you, like an inevitable destiny. 

Yeosang then spat right onto your clit. The slimy hot saliva pulled a throaty moan out of you and his hand left your thigh to rub quick tight circles on your exhausted clit.

“Can you do that. For daddy ?” he slammed his hips even harder deep into your heat as you nodded in agreement, your body being rocked straight into the afterlife. 

“Fuck baby you look so good with daddy’s cock inside you.” he moaned. “Daddy’s gonna cum. Cum with daddy right now” his thrusts became sloppier.

“Daddyyyy” you squealed, tears finally slipping and rolling onto your heated cheeks while your fourth orgasm ripped through you. Completely shredding your soul to pieces, claiming your mind and stripping you of the last strand of sanity you manage to keep up until this point. Your cunt absolutely milk Yeosang’s fat cock dry. Incessant pulses forcing his cum deep inside you. Yeosang moans and praises his way through his high, his fingers curling into a bruising grip on your thigh as he gently comes to a stop.

Leaving you both completely out of breath and fucked out of your minds. When he pulled out you felt his thick cum dribbling down your parted thighs and Yeosang pushed it all back in with one finger. He brought the same finger to your lips.

“We can’t waste daddy’s cum now, can we ?” he said, prying your mouth open as you gladly complied to lick his finger clean, the strong salty taste pushing your mind further into this trance.

“That's it. You’re so cute.” he smiled, looking fondly at you. He truly did adore you. “Daddy’s good girl”.

a/n: idk what happened when i wrote that honestly. but i just love it so much. i hope you did too! please tell me if you did okay? leave a little comment or ask maybe? okay? okay! <3

[yandereanonymous]

Yandere Monster x Reader (GN/GN) ◇☆Platonic☆◇

⚠️TW/CW: body horror (?), mentions of animal death, rot (rotting meat, specifically), generally disgusting, stalking, horrifying creature, blood (including one of the gifs below)

It was horrifying. It smelled rancid, like cheese and rotten meat. It was a fleshy thing, boils and irritated skin in all the wrong places. It had hollow eyes and an unnatural smile, rows of sharp, rotten teeth, and blood dripping out of the gaping maw. Flies and other insects seemed to follow it everywhere, though their eggs never survived in its flesh.

It was slow and limped everywhere it went. It would watch you from outside your windows, even in broad daylight. It was too big for you to even think about confronting to kill, at least at such risks. Yet, you still could see... affection in its sunken eyes. It would sing to you at night when you would try to sleep. It sounded like the song "You are my sunshine."

One night, when you were just trying to rest, you were awoken by an awful smell and an annoying heat. The thing was in your room. It grinned as it gazed down at you, a soft love in its eyes. It cradled your body, and you tried to squirm away as it peppered your face and neck in kisses. It brushed the sides of your face affectionately as it spoke in a language you couldn't understand.

"ṁ̷͕i̷̮͌ ̴̢͗d̷̍ͅu̷̙͌l̴̺̿c̴͉͌i̵̻͑s̸̨̔ ̶̤͂p̵̖͑ȕ̶̪e̵̛̳r̷̠̽..."

It finally says in what sounds like Latin,

"M̵̍ͅȳ̷ͅ ̷̟̐b̴̰̅a̴̻̐b̶̠̈y̴̻̍.̶͙̚.̶̻̃.̶͈̅.̶̯̄"

It coos in English this time, pressing its lips— or lack thereof, to your neck. You nearly vomited. You just wanted to get away. It softly hushed you, continuing to hold you close as it cooed to you in another language. It seemed to ignore your squirming, your crying, your cries for help, and for your release, it almost seemed to find them endearing.

You were trapped here forever. And you were in a living nightmare.

You eventually passed out as your body gave way to sleep deprivation and stress, and you did not wake up in your bed. It was dark, almost too dark to see, and it was very humid and wet. The only light was the light of the sun, shining down through some holes in what seemed to be the ground. There were dead, rotting animals in this hellish place, though they seemed to all be in a pile far away from you. You were lying on what felt like a nest of sorts made up of sticks, grass, leaves, furs, and fabric.

You trembled as you heard the creature coo, limping over to you with that horrific grin on its face. It smiled and handed you what looked to be... some warm meat. It was fresh, but it wasn't cooked. It smiled and awaited you to eat it. When you gagged and turned the food away, the thing looked... sad. It moved over to you and gave your arm a small squeeze before moving its hand under your shirt to feel your ribs. It then smushed you into its chest and hummed a soft lullaby, ignoring your squirms and protests once more.

[kcrossvine-art]

hi birds of paradise and of prey! I sincerely hope your 2024 has been kind to you so far, and if it hasn't, I hope it starts being fucking nicer soon. We got eyes on it and are ready to take it out should it fail.

I'm coming to the end of my list here soon, so if anyone has ideas on what they'd like to see next, please do hit me up! Even if its just a piece of media with interesting food in it and not a specific dish you wanna see. My roommate got me a recipe book from that TikTok fantasy tavern guy, "recipes from the lucky gryphon"? So we could also take a shot at a few of those, although im not really familiar with his work. Regardless-

We will be making Stuffed Cabbage from Lord of the Rings Online today!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Stuffed Cabbage?” YOU MIGHT ASKYou cant kinda put whatever you want for seasonings and even the meat filling. I used ground beef but pork and lamb are also stellar candidates.

Yellow onion

Garlic

2 eggs

Ground beef

Rice

A head of cabbage

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Crushed tomato

Tomato sauce

AND, “what does this Stuffed Cabbage taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKBa bawsa

Very, very filling wow

2 rolls filled me up for a meal and i made about 20-ish from one head of cabage

A bit plain tbh, the texture is great but I'd really double up on the seasonings

A blank canvas for you to impart your spice preferences onto

Reheating makes it taste almost identical to fresh

Would pair well with a hot sauce dip

could also go well with an artichoke dip

If you run out of room and need to layer the rolls, I'd try experimenting with pouring some of the crushed tomato and sauce inbetween the stacked rolls. Otherwise the ones at the bottom lack a lot of the tomato flavor. However it might make the bottoms on the rolls laying ontop soggy?

. Where rice called for, used long grain white rice

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've never blanched anything before. Theres not much western food that calls for it, meanwhile whenever my friend from malaysia shows a dish they ate, 9 times out of 10 the vegetables are blanched. Much easier process than the fancy name might suggest- boil water and dunk the thing in until its done. Whatever 'done' may be for the thing you are cooking.

Also for the ground beef (or whichever meat you use) you don't have to cook it beforehand, but in doing two tries at making these cabbage rolls i would recommend you at least season your meat before mixing it with everything else. The meat will cook to a safe temperature inside the cabbage rolls, i just prefer the taste and texture of it when cooked twice.

I give this recipe a meandering 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) I want to review more horrible recipes, truly i do, so that the rating scale isnt always a 6 and above, but whenever i try something horrible its like "why the fuck would i put all the effort into making and sharing a review of this thing i Do Not Want others to eat????" yknow?? Would people be interested in roasting horrible recipes? 

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion

6 cloves of garlic

2 eggs

2 lbs ground beef

1 1/2 cup cooked rice

1 large head of cabbage

28oz crushed tomato

14oz tomato sauce

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Salt/pepper

Method:

Saute garlic and onion in butter over medium heat until onions are caramelized. When done, remove from heat and let cool.

Season the beef to your liking with cumin, red pepper, and salt. Very, very lightly cook the beef in the same pan used for the garlic and onions. Cook until it starts to brown, but dont let it darken. 

Beat eggs thoroughly with oregano, thyme, salt, and pepper.

Add all of the above ingredients together in a bowl with (cooked!) rice. Mix thoroughly then cover and let rest in the fridge.

Core and blanche your cabbage in boiling water, peeling them off as they become limp.

Once you've separated all the leaves, cut off any thick stems that would prevent the leaf from folding.

Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meat filling into each leaf. Fold the sides of the leaf inwards and roll it up. Place each cabbage roll seam-down into a casserole dish.

If they don't all fit in one layer, its more than okay to stack. Try not to stack more than 2 layers though.

Once you've used all the cabbage, take your can of tomatos and pour them over the rolls. Mix some oregano into the tomato sauce and pour that over the rolls as well.

Bake uncovered in the oven at 350 for about 2 hours. Dont worry if a bit of tomato on top looks burnt.

IF REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Bake 10 cabbage rolls in the oven at 320 for about 40 minutes. Reduce time for less rolls.

[echantedtoon]

A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch6 Date Weekend: Saturday

(Warning for some nudity mentioned in the boys part but absolutely nothing rude or nsfw!! Also it's cannon Hinatsuru and Makio can cook like really good in Kimetsu Gauken and Mitsuri.knows ballet from what we saw in s4 with flexibility training. My own headcannons are being slapped into here! AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!)

Taglist: @shadyd3ar @jcrml @tengensangel

@miniverse-zen

Remember if you want to be added to the taglist lemme know

The colorful assortment of delightful sweets filled the eyes with childlike wonder. Cream and icing. Glaze and powdered sugar. Milky chocolate and sweet vanilla. All of which melted in the mouth and shook the senses with sweet dreams of sugary delight.

In in Mitsuri's case starting to stock up on food.

You sat down at the table with the other girls after the fun game of push ups. Taking your time to look around at the big but nice looking kitchen. Kyojuro must've had a good paying job if he could afford this. The nicely furnished space had pretty much a top of the line appliance set up complete with a nicely polished giant cherry wood table. Of which was stuffed to the brim with food. Three boxes of extra large pizzas took up the far left right corner, next to it was a box of hot wings, and a few six packs of different sodas and what was left of the canned coffee after Sanemi ravished through Obinai's gift. Two pink boxes filled up with day old sweets like donuts and mini cakes, what was left of the ohagi you made, and a few burgers Giyuu picked up. And a small pot of something you couldn't make out but it smelt like beef broth. Maybe a beef soup or hot pot?

It certainly was a lot of food but considering how many people there and how big Gyomei and Tengen were.

"Let me get you some food," Hinatsuru offered gesturing to the boxes of pizza stacked on the table. "We have pizza, burgers, cake- What would you like?"

A hand held up to her. "Oh no. It's ok. I can get it myself."

"Nonsense. You're our guest so I'll get it for you."

"Well alright then. Some pizza please."

"Sure! Pepperoni, sausage and mushroom, or meatlovers?" Hinatsuru was already shuffling towards the boxes Mitsuri was already rummaging through. 

"Pepperoni is fine. Thank you!'

You only smiled politely as the others say down or most of them grabbed ahold of whatever food was available for them, but you noticed only one of them had a tray instead of a plate. Mitsuri had taken out a large tray, the kind you'd use to carry breakfast in bed to someone, and just started piling on food after food item onto it. There must've been at least two or three slices of every kind of pizza they had, three small cakes you could make out including a fourth one just added to it, a few burgers peeking out from just under the pizza, and right now her main target was the pot.

The smells of beef filled the air with a snack of her lips looking inside excitedly. Producing a bowl from no where she proceeded to just scoop out boiled eggs, mushrooms, chunks of beef- Oh. So someone did bring a hot pot. But she wasn't done yet. She practically pulled two bottles of the soda to herself as a can of coffee got caught up also in her grasp and your poor ohagi was her next victims. Three ending up on top of their fallen pizza brethren. She plopped down right across from you as you continued to stare wide eyed. You didn't even notice Hinatsuru placing down a plate and cup of more soda in front of you.

"Here you go!" She smiled at you but slowly blinked noticing your wide eyed surprised look. "Miss Y/n?" Her face followed your direction and froze as she and everyone else saw the massive pile of food Mitsuri had in front of her and the fact that she was already shoveling a whole mini strawberry shortcake into her mouth. "M-Mitsuri!"

"Hm?" 

She happily looked up at the half horrified half worried faces around her, cheeks puffed up like a chipmunks. Huh? What was with those looks? She made sure not to take everything this time. It was only when green orbs caught the state of the girl in front of her. It was then that the before mentioned talk about everyone being on their best behavior and ensuring that they made a good first impression for Gyomei punched her brain in the memory bank. She sat there quietly and wide eyed, cheeks puffed up, and some strawberry syrup on her chin. Somewhere to the far right Makio groaned and facepalmed loud enough to a smack sound to be heard.

You blinked and that motion seemed to spur Mitsuri's panic as she quickly swallowed and held up her hands. "Um- Uh- ...HEY! No one touch this food!" She nervously laughed before pushing the tray away from her nervously smiling self to the middle of the table, a few boxes getting pushed aside as she did so. "Y-You know that I-..Uh! I-I always make sure there's a nice healthy serving out aside for the guys! Haha! Hmm!" She tapped her chin in thought glaring at the stacked up tray in pretend scrutiny. "Yep! Th-This will definitely be enough for all of them! Haha!"

She froze as a couple hot wings wobbled and fell lower on the pile of food she had created. Someone mumbled a 'nice save' somewhere as your eyes slowly looked away from her and down at the pile of food in front of everyone... before your face scrunched up into a funny looking face before you opened your mouth and-..

Started to laugh??

A series of giggles enveloped from her mouth and a hand reached out to cover those giggles to no avail as everyone stared at her.

"....Ok. Did we already break her or is she making fun of us?"

Your head shook as a hand waved. "N-No. It's just that-..Well, It's nice you're all going through all this effort to make me comfortable but Gyomei's already mentioned about this." To her surprise the tray was slid back over in front of Mitsuri who looked widely at you. "As I said before I want you all to be yourselves around me since I genuinely want to meet Gyomei's friends, so please don't hesitate to eat."

Mitsuri stared stunned by your smile, looking you up and down.... before just smiling back to her food and a second later she literally bit a burger clean in half as she hummed contently. Her happy face and bloated cheeks made more giggles escape her mouth. 

"That's quite the appetite you have there," you pointed out without being rude, "Do you like sweet, savoury, or spicy things better?"

She swallowed what was left of her first burger quickly before answering. "SWEETS! But I don't mind others things either! Bitter and sour things are good too if you make them right!" As if to hammer home her point, she practically devoured an entire hot sauce covered chicken leg minus the bone. The hotness didn't even seem to bother her because a slice of blueberry cheesecake was next. "Shoo yummy!~" She gushed between snacking.

Despite it you still smiled at her completely unfazed. Her eating was fast and not normal by any normal person's standards but unlike Jake's she wasn't rude about it at all. She wasn't chewing loudly or open mouthed, she didn't try to hog everything, and she DEFINITELY wasn't trying to get anyone's else's foods or getting food anywhere. ..Well except for the traces of said food on her mouth which you handed over a couple napkins she thanked you for. The others seemed completely unfazed by her appetite so this was probably a usual occurrence for them.

"So you aren't like grossed out or anything by..?" Makio gestured towards the pink haired girl like it was obvious.

"Not really. Why would I be?" You shrugged before picking up a piece of your own pizza. "She's not being rude about it so why should I care? Although I am a bit surprised at how much she eats. When Gyomei told she she had a big appetite I wasn't expecting it to be so literally. Not that it's a bad thing of course!"

Surprised looks land silence was what everyone gave you minus Mitsuri still eating the quickly shrinking pile of food. Eventually Shinobu broke the silence with her brows raised high. 

"Holy shit...Gyomei found a dam unicorn!"

"Shinobu!"

"He did.' shinobu rolled her eyes at her sister's scowl. "She said to be ourselves around her right? How is she supposed to know us if we aren't?'

"But the cussing? Really? First Nemi and now you."

"I really don't mind," you smiled at her. "I'm not offended at all. Really."

Kanae blinked but frowned at Shinobu's wide smile. 

"Subject change!" The blue eyed girl, Suma if you remembered right, shot up a hand and waved around her full arm. "This entire thing was to get to know her better! So let's do that instead!"

"Good idea, Suma!" She quickly changed the entire subject probably to avoid any awkwardness. "So. Y/n, how did you meet Gyomei? He told us briefly but I don't think he explained the entire thing." 

You paused a moment staring off into nothing. You smile had turned to a thin line and you turned to her so slowly that she thought she might've said something to offend you. "....Have you ever had a really bad date?"

Her pink eyes blinked. "I-...Well, it did rain once when I was on a double date with Kyo and Makio. We didn't get to do anything we planned."

"Oh. Well trust me. You haven't heard nothing yet. Let me tell you EXACTLY how I met the most kindest man of my life...after meeting the worst most vile human. It all started when this rat's parents paid my Auntie to set him up on a date. She's a REALLY good matchmaker you know and that's why they paid her and she needed the extra money because her car broke down, so she asked me to go out with him. I figured it was just a free dinner so what did I have to lose? BOY was I surprised!"

You told them the entire story. Starting from the very beginning from before you even met Jake the Snake to how he late he was to how Gyomei.actually noticed you first to how he acted and on and on. Most looked on in pity or disgust but Shinobu never lost that small smile. You nearly lost your appetite again remembering that night but the memory of Gyomei's smiling helpful being brightened up your entire outlook. 

"So one thing led to another and we ended up going on a coffee date." You shrugged drinking a little bit of the soda Hinatsuru was nice enough to get you. 

"That's so mean! How could a man be so cruel and rude?!," Mitsuri loudly protested. 

You shrugged again. "Spoiled too much by his parents I guess. But that's all in the past now." You smiled Brightly. "Gyomei is much more better than most of the men I've dated. Tonight is our third date actually."

"AW!! THAT'S SO SWEET! IT'S LIKE YOU BOTH MET OUTTA A FAIRYTALE!!" 

"How did you guys meet anyways?" You were curious about how these people met and got together especially when they were all polyamourus. You've never heard of twelve people in a relationship before but you guessed there was a first time for everything.

"Most of us are actually childhood friends and we met way back in elementary school!," Suma piped up and bit down into a pizza slice. 

"Yeah..most of them. A few of us didn't meet until like nearly graduated from highschool..." Makio shrugged. "But it is what it is."

"That reminds me. How did you three end up marrying Mr. Uzui? I've heard of having more than one partner but this is the first time I've ever seen someone be married to three people at once before. Um..no offense."

"None taken." Makio waved you off with a bored look to her face. "It was arranged between our parents a long time ago, I don't think Tengen's old man was too happy at the idea of him dating Kyo back in highschool and decided to give him a few beautiful ladies to change his mind."

"Oh that's awful." A hand covered your mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It all worked out in the end."

"Really? He just agreed to it?"

"Yeah. He figured just going through with it would be easier, and we all got married right out of highschool..." Her gaze looked far away from the table as if gazing of into nothing. "..You know he offered all of us to divorce the day after? Said he wasn't going to force any of us to stay if we didn't want to."

Your brow rose at her. "But..you didn't?"

"No. I could've though. I could've divorced him and then left. Maybe I'd be somewhere studying something like cooking or maybe I'd be married again to a really, really handsome rich guy who's a renowned millionaire complete with little kids and a nice big dog. ...I could've had that, or I could stay with a guy who's 'flamboyant' butt cried when I said I loved him for the first time."

"Aw!" She was lightly surprised when you gushed. "Did he really cry?"

"Oh yes. I remember that." Hinatsuru finally got a cheeky look on her face looking at her other wives. "You two remember that right? He was so worried that Kyo would be mad at him for falling for us and he was so scared that we hated him from the start that he cried for a whole hour."

"I REMEMBER THAT!! HE'S SO CUTE!!"

"Yeah. Besides, where else are we gonna get a free portrait?"

Her joke wasn't lost on you either and a giggle escaped you. So they all grew up together? That's a cute love story! Well you guessed minus Tengan's wives who everyone met in highschool technically but you still were curious about one thing in particular.

"I do hope you don't mind me asking this but I'm curious about something," you slowly spoke catching most everyone's attention other than Mitsuri who was almost done with her giant tray. "If you don't want to answer it's fine, but how did you all.. Y'know. Well-.." You were trying to try to find a way to word it without sounding rude. So you made a half circle motion around the table gesturing to everyone.

"Find out we were all poly?," Kanae asked answering you.

"YYYes. I'm sorry if that's a sensitive topic."

She shook her head, pretty hair swaying. "Not at all. You've been nothing but respectful this entire time and honestly you're one of the few people who didn't make it weird." She shrugged her shoulders holding up her hands. "To be perfectly honest with you, it just sort of happened. Mitsuri used to date my sister back in middle school but they broke up and then she started dating Sanemi-" She gestured to Mitsuri. "-and she dated Obanai for a little bit before we all just shifted to who we wanted to have our main love be!"

"Oh..I see. So how did the whole main partner thing was figured out?"

"Simple. While I love all my partners, Sanemi is the only one I want to officially marry and start a family with." Her head tilted at you with a worried brow. "Do you think that's strange?"

A him escaped her throat as her eyes glanced over in thought. "...Well I can't say no because I guess to someone like me who isn't in a relationship like yours it would be weird. But-" orbs looked directly back to her pink ones. "I can't really judge you. Mostly because your relationship isn't any of my business so I shouldn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but also because it's really incredible."

"Hm?" Pink eyes blinked confused. "Incredible how so?"

"You guys have the healthiest relationship I've ever seen!" 

Kanae. Blinked. "What?"

You nodded. "I mean I've seen arguments but if-.. Sanemi, I think was his name, really wanted to punish Tengen I think he would've punched him square in the face. But it just looked like one big couples fight to me..Not the really bad kind but I don't think-" You stopped seeing everyone stared at you again. "Um..Was it something I said?"

"I told you. A dam unicorn."

Kanae shot her sister another glare before sighing. "Well to answer your question, we really just sorta melded together once we realized that there was more than mutual feelings. It took some time for everyone to come to terms with it especially Nemi and Obi but it works out for us."

"And your families?"

Clink-

You blinked as Hinatsuru suddenly placed her fork down and went quiet, a sad look suddenly found on her face making you blink and then noticed that everyone else had similar looks either looking away uncomfortable or sad. Mitsuri's eating had also ceased leaving her holding up an empty burger wrapper. Eventually Shinobu sighed.

"Some of our families have...Not been very nice hearing about it let's just say. My folks for example were pretty shocked but now they're the most supportive people on the planet. However... People like Tengen's dad or Obinai's family.." A grimace and 'yeesh' sound escaped her. "You'd think a guy who's entire family was mostly women wouldn't care if he dated girls-'

"I think I get the picture." You politely held up your hand and looked around feeling suddenly guilty about the mood dropping. "...You guys said you're studying to become teachers right?" You perked back up and changing the subject to a lighter tone. "What kind of subject do you want to teach, Mitsuri?" You asked the most cheerful person hopefully her bright happy attitude would help the situation.

Like you hoped she immediately lit up in a smile. "DANCE! Specifically ballet!"

"I didn't know you knew ballet!"

She nodded. "Mm hm! I love it!"

"And what about you two?"

"I'm focusing on biology and Shinobu is taking classes for becoming a health teacher," Kanae answered with a new smile. 

"Hina n' I are working through the thought of culinary schooling."

"OH! OH! I WANNA BE A PRESCHOOL TEACHER!!'

"You'd certainly fit right in."

"Makio! Don't be so mean to me!"

"Guys please."

You couldn't help but giggle at the lot of them in the end and went back to eating your pizza and waiting for Gyomei's return. 

"Hey. We're all going to the beach tomorrow!" You paused mid bite of your pizza before looking at Mitsuri who smiled widely and hopefully at you. "It's one of the few times we can go before it gets too cold. Why don't you come with us?"

"Oh. I'd really like to..but I can't." Your hand was held up. "I have a project to take care of before I can turn it in Monday and I have to clean. But I appreciate the offer. Are you guys going out the entire weekend together?"

"Oh absolutely! Tonight's just a big sleepover with a movie!" Mitsuri started quickly motioning with her hands with excitement. "Then tomorrow we're going to spend all day on the beach together and then Sunday it's just gonna be the boys hanging out with each other and we're all going SHOPPING!~" She sang out that last part throwing up her hands. "And then we're gonna go to the spa and get massages, and have our nails done and a whole bunch of stuff between those things! Then we're all going to meet up with the boys for a sauna and public hot springs!" She then gasped hands smacking her cheeks. "OH MY GOSH!! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME WITH US!!"

You blinked leaning back a little bit. "What?"

"ARE YOU BUSY SUNDAY?! IT'S PERFECT!! YOU CAN COME WITH US AND WE ALL CAN HAVE FUN TOGETHER!"

"I don't want to intrude on your guys' date and besides as much as I would like to, I'd only be a third wheel for the entire thing. On top of that I don't have much money for me to spend."

"Uh.. Didn't Gyomei literally win you three hundred fifty dollars?" 

You paused staring at them blinking.

"THAT'S RIGHT! You can totally still come with us then! Please say you will! You really didn't get a chance to really meet the guys yet and I promise it'll be so much fun!"

"Well I -.." You let out a light sigh. "Well I guess so. It might be fun."

"Oh this is going to be so much fun! I can't wait for you to see my favorite cat cafe! I'm sure the guys are just as excited!"

"You think so?"

"Absolutely! Why I bet they're thinking of fun things to do together right now!"

SMACK-

"OW! WHAT THE HELL, SANEMI?!"

Warmth spread off the tiles lining up the walls and floors. Most rising to coat their bodies like fog which was probably a good thing considering that most of them were completely in the nu- A loud smack loud disturbed the peaceful sounds of running shower heads and scents of men's brand soap and shampoo. The snack itself stopped Obanai from helping Gyomei get his back and the blind man tilt his head-

Buuuutt the very girly sounding squeal that left Tengen's throat had caused the rest of them to peer over. A stinging sensation throbbed from the side of Tengen's behind from where he was struck by something fast, and instinctively his hand clutched onto the now reddened skin. Magenta eyes narrowed with a snap of his neck and immediately found the culprit with a wet wring up towel in his hands. 

"OW! WHAT THE HELL, SANEMI?!", Tengen's voice angrily echoed off the walls.

The smaller white haired man gave Tengen one of those evil grins he always gave when annoyed and his fists squeezed around the towel harder making it creak in her hands. "Consider it payback for the stunt you pulled! I would've won if you hadn't distracted me!"

"Oh please. I would've won if you hadn't twisted the rules and tricked my wife." Tengen hissed rubbing at his bottom. "Fuck that hurt. Y'know if you wanted to smack my butt that badly-"

"SHUT UP YOU SHINY MEATBALL!!"

"Are those two still going on about that? I thought we all agreed Gyomei won fair and square."

Gyomei only sighed at Giyuu's words deciding not to engage with the argument other than shaking his head and sinking further down into the tub of comforting warm water. Those two would normally fight like cats and dogs if it wasn't with Obinai. He knew the routine of these fights. They'd be angry anywhere between a few hours to a day and then either forget about it or make up somehow. Even if the current cussing at one another over 'distracting him and making him lose' or 'sanemi didn't have to attack him with a towel' was starting to give him a bit of anxiety. He sure hoped they weren't loud enough for the girls to hear them.

"YOU WANT TO KISS ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID!!"

"STOP BEING SO FUCKING PRETTY!!..PETTY!! I MEANT PETTY!!"

"Uh huh. Sure.~"

"RRRRRRAAHH!! FUCKING STOP IT!!"

"THEN MAKE ME, SHINAZUGAWA!!"

There was a small silence other than the sounds of the others ignoring their friends' usually arguments and continuing to finish up and then sounds of running water...but after a moment of nothing his head did turn in question towards the nearest person.

"Are they quite finished?"

"Yep. They're hate kissing again."

Even though he couldn't see Obinai, he knew the man was rolling his eyes. "I see. Well at least perhaps now they'll stop clawing at one another's throats." Water rippled in his wake as he moved to stand back up. "And I have to be seeing off Y/n soon. It's very impolite to keep her waiting for me on a date twice on a date."

"Relax, Mei. You brought her here for the sole purpose of meeting us. Let her get to know them. I'm sure Mitsuri's already talking about her cats or Suma's talking her head off. She'll be fine."

"Well..I should at least make sure it's going well."

"*sigh* If you say so. And will you two get a room?!"

Sanemi's answer was to chuck the clean but wet towel he had been holding and expertly nailing Obanai in the face without even looking up from where he was gripping Tengen's head to make him lean down enough to kiss. A loud smack sound again echoed beside him and a moment later Obanai fell into the tub with a splash. ...Gyomei only groaned rubbing his face.